How to fight loneliness
by Gigi685
Summary: In the worst day of his life Ted meets the love of his life. I'm writing my own version of how he met the mother, and how they get together.
1. The worst day of my life

**How to fight**** loneliness - Chapter One**

Today I spent the worst day of my life. It's not some exaggaration, when I say, it was the worst day of my life, I mean, it was clearly the most awful, most terrible, most hurtful... Does this word existing? I don't care, today I swore I'm going to be a real badass, because seems like badasses always win. That's the sadly truth. My only hope, that it's can't be worse. There's no way, to be worse. So right now I'm sitting on the train station, I'm holding the locket in my hand... It's her locket, and it's mine forever. And I'm talking to a very nice old woman. Finally, someone hears me. Someone cares about me. Not the one, I wanted to care about me, but I'm not complaining.

The company was the only thing which I was waiting for all day, and finally I get it. But it's still painful to talk about the wedding. I tought, if I speak about my problems, it will be better, but no! It's eating me inside, and I feel like dying. I never tought, it'll be so bad. I never tought, I'm going to sitting there, I'm going to talk for a nice stranger about how I lost the love of my life. It's just not the ending I was imagined. I know, it's time to grow up, life is unjust, and you can't planning all of your life. But now I feel life was too unjust to me.

But what's happened exactly? If I could, I would rather forget the today, but sadly I can't. I remember every second very well. The whole started, when I went to Barney's room. I promised myself, I'm going to be cool, and I won't show how stressed I am, or how angry I am, and how jealous I am. Because that's the truth. I was the best man of my best friend's wedding, and I felt something more for her bride than he tought. I tried to smile at him, when he spoke about maybe he would rather choosed someone else to marry. I tried, but my heart was beating like a drum. If I would marry Robin, which won't happen, it wouldn't be a question, am I choosed right or not! Fortunatelly then we were talking about some neutral; we talked about Punchy's wedding, the worst wedding ever, Marshall ruined it. It's still a funny story. We were laughed a lot. Finally.

And then Lily knocked on the door, and she said the bride needed me, and my heart was beating faster than before; I tought I'm going to have a heart attack!

So when I went to Robin's room, I was excited, and maybe I had some hope for something, which I can't exactly say, what is, but I needed it. I opened the door, and I saw her on the wedding dress... I imagined Robin so many times on her wedding dress, but I always tought, she is gonna wear it at my wedding. At our wedding... Which is never going to happen. She looked at me, and I knew, this is our last talk before she's going to marry for another man. This is the last chance to change her mind... To choose me. It was a bad tought. I would be happy for them. I would be happy, but I'm not. And I wasn't happy, when I saw her in the wedding dress, although she was beutiful. Her neklace, her "something old" was inside my pocket. I knew, what she wanted, and I could give to her. Could you imagine that feeling? Just for a second. Imagine, that you're in my place, that you're Ted Mosby, the biggest loser of the history of lovers, that you're face-to-face with The One, but she choosed someone else. You can make her smile for one last time, but you have some fears., and it's killing you. You feel incrediblle pain in your heart. I could give to her the locket, but i remembered for Lily's word's, what she said one week before the wedding.

_Be careful._

And I knew, what does she mean. Maybe if I give the locket for her, I can't stop looking her face, i'll be happy again, that I made her smile. And it's dangerous, because... Damn it, because she's a bride! And Lily had right, as she always has. I really didn't want to ruin their life, I swear. I must to stop it. If I make her happy over and over again, I'll feel that emotion forever. And it's dangerous for me, it's dangerous for Barney, and it's dangerous for Robin. I just need to stop it. So I was being careful, and I didn't say anything, just let Robin to talk. She was talking about her fears, and I was listening to her. But honestly, I couldn't keep watching on her, in my mind I was arguing with myself about the locket.

- The same window... - she said, and I snatched up my head. Yes, i remember. It was almost a year before, when I was dating with Victoria, but there was a difficulity; we get together on her wedding day. I remembered very well, and I feel guilty, but I was hoping better, than it would be right, that it was an allusion, and maybe she wants to runaway with me. I didn't want to care about Barney, I didn't want to care about anything, just her. I know, it's not right. But then she continued speaking, and I realized, that she didn't want to runaway with me. - I'm panicking, Ted. I knew, that i'll panicking, but it's worse than my worst nightmares. I'm nervous, I'm irresoluted, my stomach is sick, I feel dizzy, I feel I can't standing on my feet, and I think I'll faint away... - I was listening to her, and than I said the stupidest tipp ever:

- If you're sick, then go for a doctor. - for a moment Robin stopped talking, and looked at me. And than she started to laugh.

- Thank you, Professor! - she said, and she couldn't stop laughing. I was happy, that I made her smile, but I was confused too. She was laughing at me, at my stupidity, but I didn't care. It's strange. - You know, since I couldn't find that freaking locket, I've been panicking more, than before.

_No, Ted. You won't do this. _- I said to myself, when I touched the locket in my pocket. - _I don't care how much do you want, you won't give it to her._

- This is just a locket. - I said, and I was really proud, that I didn't say something idiotistic.

- Mosby, we played this once. I know that it's just a locket. Because it's just a locket. But after that I couldn't forget about it. I tought, this is a bad sign. Maybe I was right. I was looking for a good sign all of the week. - she smiled. I love, how she smiles. I love, how she says, she's looking for a sign. I love, how... Damn, stop it! - And then, I realized, you've right. We know, what we want. It's our thing, and the universe won't give a sign, just because I'm not sure.

- I'm happy, that you moved that step. - I said.

- I haven't been stopped it. - she smiled at me again.- So I was searching for signs six days of the week. I gave up on Thursday. I wanted to find a sign so badly, but it didn't work. And yestarday, on Friday, the sign found me.

- So are you sure, that the universe wants you and Barney getting married? - I asked.

- It couldn't says more clearly. - she smiled again, and I was a bit sad, but I tried pretend everything is fine. So the universe is against me. Nice. After a short silence she asked. - Don't you even want to know, what the sign is? - honestly, I was curious a little bit, but I afraid, that it would be too painful. So I said no.

- It's your secret. - I said with some idiot smile on my face, and I walked away.

Yes, I was stupid. I know. And it was just the beginning...

Let me tell you about my feelings again. I know, that I'm boring, I know, that I tell stories quite slow, and I know, that I talk too much about my feelings. Maybe they aren't as exciting I think. And maybe I need to leave them, because they hurts me. But I can't. They're the pieces of my soul. They're pieces of me, and I would be another person without them. Or I wouldn't be a person, rather some robot. So when I was sitting on the ceremony I knew what is like to being Jacob from the Twillight. Poor guy, he loved Bella so much, and maybe he was perfect for her, but she choosed Edward... It's suck, and I tottaly get it.

Whatewer, so I was sitting on the ceremony, I saw, when she said yes at the altar, I saw, when he said yes at the altar, I saw their first kiss as a married couple, and I knew, that it was the ending for me. I was clapping my hands, when they were introduced as Mr. and Mrs. Stinson, I saw their first dance, which was truly awesome, and I remembered how they danced in Punchy's wedding. They harmonized each other so fucking perfect, just like always before. Because maybe I'm a nice guy, maybe I know Robin better, maybe I could give up everything for her, but I could being nice with another girl, I could getting to know anyone else in the Earth too, and she wouldn't give up everything for me, maybe someone else would. I'm the better, but she doesn't need the better. I don't know, why. I don't know, why is Barney better than me. Sometimes he was being a jerk with all of us, including Robin. I wanted always the best to her, but Barney wants the best to himself. He's like a big child, he's selfish, he's annoying sometimes. Why does she need someone like him? Why are they so good together? I ate my meal, the band which was recommended by Cindy at the last moment was really good, but it didn't make me feel better. I danced with Robin's sister, and then I decided to go to the train station.

So I went upstairs, and started to pick up my things, and I was ready to go, when I got a text from Barney.

_Where are you? I need to talk to you. _

I didn't know, what to write. That I'm ready to go and moving to Chicago, and to never see you two and your freaking hapiness? It would be the truth, but of course it couldn't be my answer. I took my phone to write something, when I heard Barney's voice behind my back.

Finally, here you are. – he said. When I got a text for him, I tought he's going to be angry, or nervous. Yes, I saw, that he was nervous a bit, but he smiled. I had no idea why they wanted to find me. – We tought you gone.

No, I'm just… - I didn't know what to say. Maybe he presumed, that I wanted to escape from the wedding, but I don't know exactly, because he didn't comment my strange location. He didn't ask, why didn't I am at the wedding reception, and for this one I'm really thankful. And he's my best friend. My feelings aren't his fault. He just smiled at me, he hadn't reason to not to do this, and he seemed happy. I never tought, that Barney Stinson will be happy after a few hours he said yes at the altar, but it's happened. If I would be a good friend I should be happy for him. And I really wanted to be a good friend. But sometimes it's hard. In my situation it's the hardest thing ever. Being to a good friend is almost as big challenge as being to a good boyfriend. Just the friendship is for forever. Principally. But what I'm doing at the moment? I'm breaking a friendship, which could be for forever if didn't mess the things up. – Why do you want to talk to me? – I asked. His smile was bigger, than before.

Did you hear the news? – he asked.

No.

It's weird, because I know, that Robin was talking to you before the wedding. – I didn't know what to think. Did anything happen between them? – Wasn't she nervous?

Of course she was. But we're talking about Robin. It's not a surprise. – I said.

So she didn't tell about the thing.

What's the thing? – I became corious, and that Barney didn't told me the „thing" immediately made me more corious, and a little bit nervous. And then Barney said the thing which broke my heart. Again.

She's pregnant, Ted. – I didn't want to believe my ears.

No… It's not possible. – I tought, that it's some joke.

Yes, I knew, that she can't have a baby. After the doctor told her about her infecundity she called me, and we were talking about the thing. She was dating with Kevin, and she didn't know, how to say the things for him. – my heart broked a bit again. So when she was so sad, she called Barney, and I was the deuteragonist like always. It hurts. – So do you know, what is it? It's a miracle! It's a sign for the universe! – I remembered, what Robin said. So it was the big sign for the universe, that they're belong together. Nice.

Congratulations.

I said with an artificial smile on my face, and let Barney to celebrate his future family with the wedding guest. But I didn't celebrate his future family. I left the wedding, and I went to the train station. I didn't say to Robin anything, although I'm really happy, that she's having a baby. I remember, when she gave up, I remember how sad she was, and I know, that she could live her life without a child, but I know, that deep of her heart she wanted a baby once. So she deserves it. And Barney deserves it, because he grew up, and now he's ready to be a father. An I'm the worst best man of the world. How ironic… Because I can't stop thinkig about I wanted to give that miracle for Robin. I'm clearly the worst. And today is clearly the worst. And the weather... Amazing, it's raining again, this is what I exactly needed. And of course I haven't umbrella...

The nice lady next to me is still, and now I don't want to talk. So we're sitting next to each other, and watching how the raindrops falls. I try to be cool. I try turn off my mind. As Barney said years before, when there was nothing between he and Robin. Or I didn't know about it. So I'm watching the rain. It's beutiful. I would say I love the rain, but it's always changing. If I'm happy, tha rain is the most gorgeous thing in the world, and it makes my day just better. If I'm sad, the rain is just water falling from the sky, I'm going to be wet, and I hate the rain. Right now I'm hating the rain. A girl is arriving to the train station. I recognize, that she played the guitar at the wedding reception. But if she has just ended the work that means I'm sitting on the train station and thinking since hours. I'm looking at the old lady again. She fell asleep. Maybe she missed her train.

The girl has an umbrella; it's yellow, it looks like the yellow umbrella, which I found at St. Patrick's Day years before, and which I lost... I don't remember exactly where, maybe when I went to my mother's wedding, or maybe when I broke up with Cindy, I really can't remember. I loved that umbrella. I don't know why. I found a few months before Barney and Robin slept together at the first time and I lost after they broke up. That umbrella was with me when they fell in love with each other, but I like it. It's crazy. But the craziest thing, that I'm thinking about them again. It's bad. I should forget it.

The train is arriving, and me and the girl with the umbrella are getting on. It's late night, the train is empty. I'm finding a seat next to the window, and I'm waiting. The bass-guitarist girl is walking in the train, I don't understand, why. And then she's sitting next to me.

_Amazing... _- I think. - _She could sit in every other seat, but of course she choosed the one next to me._

But she isn't saying a word. She's just taking her bass-guitar, and she starts to play. I know the song.

_Hey_

_Been trying to meet you_

_Hey_

_Must be a devil between us_

_Or whores in my head_

_Whores at my door_

_Whores in my bed_

_But hey_

_Where have you been?_

_If you go i will surely die_

_We're chained_

- Don't play that song! - I say, after she played a few chords. She has an amazing voice, and she plays guitar very well, but...

- Why not? - she asks.

- I hate this song. - I confess.

- It's _Hey _from the Pixies. - she says. - I think, it's one of their best songs. Why don't you like it?

- I don't know exactly. I just... Hate it. - our conversation continues with a short silence.

- But do you like music anyway? - she asks.

- Of course. I like music very-very much. - she smiles.

- Are you the best men from the wedding, am I right? - she asks.

- An you're the bass-guitarist from the wedding band.

- You know, when I looked at you, you reminded me a song. - she says. - Can I sing it?

She isn't waiting for my answer, she starts to sing:

_How to fight loneliness_

_Smile all the time_

_Shine you teeth til meaningless_

_Sharpen them with lies_

_And whatevers going down_

_Will follow you around_

_Thats how you fight loneliness_

_You laugh at every joke_

_Drag your blanket blindly_

_Fill your heart with smoke_

_And the first thing that you want_

_Will be the last thing you ever need_

_Thats how you fight it_

_Just smile all the time_

_Just smile all the time_

_Just smile all the time_

_Just smile all the time_

- Do you know it? - she asks, when she ended.

- Yeah. It's _How to fight loneliness _by Wilco. But why did I remains you for that song?

- Because that is, what you were doing all the time. You were fighting loneliness. You smiled all the time, but it was a fake smile. I can recognize it very well. You laughed at every joke, but I saw, that the deep of your heart you would like to cry better, and the first thing that you wanted is the worst thing which a men could want in a wedding. You wanted the bride. And it's the last thing that you need. Because damn it, she's a bride, and is a heard, she's having a baby from an other man. So this is a song about you, about your situation, about your behaviour. This is your song.

- I don't think so. - I say, but deep inside my heart I know, she has right. This song could be written about me. There's a short silence, and then she asks:

- Do you want to talk about it?

- About what?

- About your feelings. That you're in love with the bride, and the other little things.

- For a stranger? - I ask, but I know, that the old lady was a stranger too.

- If it's a problem, I can introduce myself. I'm Rebecca Bluebell, economist-bass-guitarist.

- Ted Mosby. Architect.

- Can I call you Ted? Then you can call me Becca.

- Okay.

- So what about the bride, Ted? - she asks.

- No, it's still weird.

- If it's better, I can talk about my lovelife too. It's a complete disaster. I've just broke up my friend, Louis. He's a jerk. He was cheated on me.

- That's sucks. But not as you're at the wedding of the love of your life.

- So... Is she the love of your life?

- Yes. She is.

- Why? I don't want to hurt you, but when I saw her on the wedding... She's sweet, she's beutiful, but she isn't the girl, which would be the best for you. She's just... Average.

- I know it better.

- But why do you want to be in love with her? I mean... She's married, man!

- Becca... Do you want to help, or do you want to critizies me?

- I don't know, we're knowing each other since two hours. Maybe I've been wrong, and you're a jerk, who stole a face of a nice guy.

- Am I look like a nice guy?

- Yes, you are. - and maybe I know it also very well. But it sucks.

- But the nice guys never win.

- Who said that stupidity? - she's almost laughing. I don't think, it's so funny.

- This is the truth.

- Because Ms. Average, sorry Mrs. Average choosed an other guy? Do you think is it sucks? And what if that's exactly the thing, that the universe wants to happen? What if that's the way to find Mrs. Mosby?

- Mrs. Mosby is called Mrs. Stinson. - I say. Becca is laughing again.

- You're an idiot, Ted Mosby. I hope you know it. - she says, and than she get off the train.

I would like to think, that she hasn't right, but deep inside my heart I know she has. I'm an idiot. I'm still hearing that stupid song in my head.

_How to fight loneliness_

_Smile all the time_

_Shine you teeth til meaningless_

_Sharpen them with lies_

_And whatevers going down_

_Will follow you around_

_Thats how you fight loneliness_

_You laugh at every joke_

_Drag your blanket blindly_

_Fill your heart with smoke_

_And the first thing that you want_

_Will be the last thing you ever need_

_Thats how you fight it_

_Just smile all the time_

_Just smile all the time_

_Just smile all the time_

_Just smile all the time_

My mother is waiting for me at the train station. She wants to help me with the moving. I'm getting off the train and when she asks, did I have some fun on the wedding, I'm talking about how good the meal, the music and the ceremony was.

And I'm smiling all the time.


	2. I hate New York, I love Chicago

**Chapter Two**

My life is quite good since I'm living in Chicago. I have a small flat in the centre of the town, my job is okay; I'm not designing buildings, but it's not so bad, and I had a few dates with a nice girl, Chloe. I know, we're not literally 'dating', and I know, that she's not Robin, but I had no reason for complaining. And seems like I could sell my house in Westchester, I'm meeting with the purchaser today. Two months passed, and I haven't seen my friends. I called Lily once, but we couldn't talk; since the wedding when Marshall told Lily, that he accepted a job in New York, and Lily lost her dreamjob, they're arguing a lot. Lily promised me, thet she'll call me back, but she hasn't. I wanted to call Barney or Robin, but I promised myself, that I'll stay out of their life. Maybe it's wise. I haven't been to New York since I moved on, so I'm a bit nervous. I'm going to met the purchaser in New York, so I have to go back. And I have some fears. Okay, I know, that New York is a big city, and it's not probable to accidentaly meet Barney or Robin, but it's still possible. So I'm nervous a bit.

I'm travelling by train, I'm sitting alone, and I'm thinking. I don't exactly know, what about. When I get off, I feel like I would sleep, and I've just woken up. I'm seeing New York again. Honestly, I missed it. It was my home for the hardest years of my life, and I know, that I still haven't left for real, two months is nothing, but I'm getting full of the memories: the nights at the bar, my old flat, which is Marshall's and Lily's right now, the beutiful apartament of Quinn, which was my home last year, the GNB buliding, which is designed by me, and so many places, which were the pieces of me for many years, and now, they're just memories. At the moment I want to move back. I know, it's crazy. Maybe I would, but I'm having a good life in Chicago. And now I'm here to sell my last memory, and to start a totally new life, not to falling back. We're going to meet in a nice coffehouse in Manhattan. It's not so far away from the Mc Laren's. I'm imagining that I'm going back to the Mc Laren's after the meeting, and all of my friends are sitting in their seat, like in the old times, and they're waiting for me. And I'm sitting to the box again, just like in the old times, and we're talking, laughing and drinking. Marshall is talking about Big Foot, or some ghost, or the poltergeist, which he founded in their old house, Robin is being sceptic, and they're arguing, Lily's holding Marshall's hands, and Barney's looking for some new woman. Just like in the old times...

I'm finding the coffehouse, and I'm sitting at a table next to the window. I'm watching the street. Maybe I'm looking for Robin. I don't know exactly. If something really hasn't changed, it's my love for Robin. I know, that it's crazy, but a part of my heart still want's to get her back. I'm still thinking about her a lot, I still care about her. I still wants to find outside the window. Maybe I should give up.

- Is it you? - asks a voice. I'm turning back, and I see a similar face. Becca is standing behind me.

- I'm afraid, yes. - I answers. - Nice to meet you again. - I'm smiling. Becca looks pretty good: she's wearing a yellow summer dress, with boots. - What are you doing here? - I ask after a short silence.

- I'm moving to Westchester, and I found a perfect house. I'm going to meet the owner here. And you?

- I'm selling my house in Westchester. I'm going to meet the purchaser here. - Becca is smiling.

- I think we're looking for each other. - she says, and then she's laughing.

We're coming to an agreement soon, and then she's asking me some personal questions.

- And how is your wife?

- I haven't wife.

- I mean the wife of your friend. You know, the One. - she says "the One" sarcastic, and then she smiles.

- We have been talking only once. You don't have to be rutheless with me. - she's still smiling.

- You don't know what is like when I'm being ruthless. Right now, I'm just honest. Maybe it hurts you better, than I would be ruthless.

- You're such an annoying girl. - I say, but Becca is still smiling. She's not saying anything. - Why are you smiling all the time?

- This is how I fight the loneliness. - I know, that she wants to remainds me for that stupid song, which is, as she thinks, about me, but I don't care.

- Do you have a girlfriend? - she asks. I know, that Becca is being sarcastic again.

- Yes, I have. - I say, and I'm happy, because I know, that it's not the answer she was waiting for.

- Okay, then I won't kiss you, when we're saying goodbye. - now I'm surprised. She smiles, because she knows, that it's not the answer I was waiting for.

- What?

- Just kidding. - she says, and then she's starting to laughing again. I'm happy, that she's having some fun, but I feel bad. This Becca girl is really annoying. Her phone is ringing. - Sorry, it's my boyfriend. - she says, and she answers the phone. - Hello, Val... Yes, I'm meeting with the owner right now... Yes, I'll be there... Yes... Yes... Yes... Yes... Yes...No...Yes...Yes...That's a great idea...No, that's not...Yes...Yes... Okay, than see you tomorrow!

- So do you have a boyfriend? - I ask.

- Are you surprised?

- Yes, I mean... You're kind of annoying.

- Just with the annoying guys. - then after a short pause she's speaking again. - Don't be angry with me, Ted. I know, that sometimes I'm terrible, hurtful...

- "Hurtful" isn't an exist word. - I say. Becca is thinkig for a while.

- Really?

- Really.

- Damn it... I used this word so many times! - I'm laughing, and then she's laughing with me. I know, that it's crazy. I don't know Becca very well, we've talked only twice, but now I feel like I know her since years. I never felt this before. - Are you feeling alone in Chicago? - she asks, after we alughed a lot.

- What?

- Don't you miss your friends? Do you have friends in Chicago?

- I haven't, but I'm living in Chicago since 2 moths. And my friends... They're having their own life.

- So you're feeling alone. - she says.

- No, I'm just... Yes. I'm alone.

- I thought. Look, I know we've talked only twice, and we don't know each other very well. But I feel like I know you more then two months. Since years. And I want to help you not to be alone since I saw you at the wedding. So let's make a deal. I'm giving my phone number, and every time, you feel you're alone, you'll call me. Is it okay?

- Okay... - I'm answering, but I'm not so sure, that I'm going to call her.

- Amazing. I see, that we could be very good friends. - she says with a big smile on her face.

- Do you think? Well... Maybe.

Then we're saying goodbye, and she isn't kissing me. She's going to met her boyfriend, and my train starts two hours later.

So now I'm walking across the streets of New York. I'm thinking about my past with the city. I remember the day when Marshall, Lily and I were moving to New York, when we only had one thing, that terrible chair-bed. I remember, when we went first time to the Mc Laren's to celebrate our new home and our new life. We were so young then, I remember when Marshall get drunk and danced on the table, and Lily fell asleep on our box, and I... I don't remember exactly what did I, but Carl knocked all of us off. I remember when I met Barney, and then Robin... It's still too painful to remember, damn it!

And right now I'm going to the Mc Laren's to met my friends again to everything be just like in the old times. I'm seeing the window of the Mc Laren's. I missed it so much! I'm so happy, that right now I'm near to my past. I never tought I'll miss it so much.

I'm in the Mc Laren's. I see Carl, I see the tables, I see our box...

There's a few young women, they're sitting in our place. I'm going to Carl.

- Hey. - he says.

-Hey. There's a few lady who are sitting in our box.

- Yes. But it's not your box anymore. - he answers.

- What?! But... Where's Marshall? Where's Lily? Or Robin? Or Barney?

- I don't know. I haven't seen them since months. Just like you. So the box is free. - he asks, and he's starting to speak to the other customers. Then he turns back. - Do you want some drink, or...

- No. Nothing... - I'm turning back, and getting out of the bar. My friends are disappeared from the Mc Laren's just like me. This is not our place anymore. New people are sitting on our seat, maybe the next Marshall, Lily, Robin, Barney or me. Maybe there's a new romantic in New York Citiy, who's searching for the one. And there's a new perfect couple, because now, that they're arguing a lot, Marshall and Lily aren't the perfect couple anymore. And maybe there's a new carrierist girl, who never wants to have a family, because Robin is married, and pregnant. Maybe there's a new womanizer, who bangs all the dumm ladies of the city, because this is the order of the world. We're moving to New York, we're youg, we're living for a while, and then we disappear, and no one misses, because there's always a lot of new people. Nobody misses the small gang, which is sitting in the Mc Laren's every night, because there'll be a new one.

Life is sucks. Getting old is sucks. I always wanted to be old, because I tought, I'll have a wife and a happy family, but now I'm afraid to getting old, because it means I'll die alone.

I hate New York right now, because it remainds me a lot of bad things. I can't wait to go back Chicago, where my new job, my new home, my new love, probalbly my new friends, and my new hopes are. This is the good think.

This is what I have to think, and then I'll feel better.


	3. I hate Chicago, I love New York

**Chapter Three**

- Ted Mosby, you're our hope. - says Mr. Kinghtley. He's my boss, and I really like him. He always smiles, he's always happy, so he's an inspirating personality. I needed to being an inspirating personality near to me. Now I feel like I'm young again, and I could do anything in the life. Maybe I could be that great architect, which I always wanted to be.

- Thank you, Mr. Knightley...

- C'mon! Just call me Ben!

- Okay. Than... Thank you, Ben.

- Yeah, it's better. But Ted: these words came from my heart, so you don't have to say thank you. If I say, you're our hope, I think you're our hope.

- Thank you...

- I can't believe it! You do it again! Don't say thank you!

So he's , my favorite boss ever. Anyway; my life in Chicago is amazing! The people are very nice, I like every street of the city, I love my job, I feel moving to Chicago was my best decision ever. Okay, I miss my old friends, I miss the old times, but what did Barney always say? New is always better! And now, although this rule is old, because Barney is my past, which means, this is a paradox, I think that's right. My new life is so much better than before. And maybe once I could forget Robin. I'm going to met Chloe tonight, who is maybe my future girlfriend. I mean, we met like friends, we were just talking, nothing pshysically, so we aren't technically dating, but maybe we will. Maybe today is the day, when our relationship turns. God, I'm so excited!

I'm doing my work, and I'm preparating myself to the almost-date with Chloe. What to say, what not to say, how to look at her, how not to look at her. I know, that I'm living in the world of the dating since my twenties, but it's still hard for me. I'm the relationship-guy, not the dating-guy. So this is why I hope that Chloe became my girlfriend soon, and we can starting a relationship.

We're meeting at the Clarence's in the late afternoon. Clarence's is a cheap fast food restaurant near to Chloe's house. I would like to go somwhere more romantic place, but she clung to the Clarence's. I love, that she's always punctually, so when we're starting the date everything is just like I planned. We're having a romantic dinner, and than we're walking together and talking about neutral themes.

- So since when are you living in Chicago, Chloe? - I ask.

- Since... 32 years. I was born in Chicago, I grew up in Chicago, and as you see, I'm still living in Chicago. I love this city. And you?

- Since three months.

- That's... Cool... - Chloe is looknig at her shoes. I can't notice enough, that she's beutiful. She has long blond hair, big brown eyes, she's very small but still pretty, so she's the total opposite of Robin. Damn, I'm thinking about Robin again... But sometimes she doesn't know what to say. So then we just walk next to each other. Like now. After we're going across the street, she starts to speak again. - You know what, Ted? We don't have to wait anymore. Do you want to take a look at my place? - she asks with a hopefully face. I'm just nodding, and then she's turning right, and we're standing at her door.

- Wait... Did you know, that I'm going to say yes? - I ask. Chloe is just smiling, and she opens the door. I'm following her, and we're arriving to her apartament. It's bigger which the one I was waiting for, so it's a surprising fact. I never tought she's so rich.

_What do you even know about this girl, Mosby? _- I'm asking myself, while Chloe gets overdressed. - _You're just starting to make love with someone, who you don't even know. It's not you._

_But yes, maybe this is, who I am. Maybe this is the new me._

_No, you're the nice guy!_

_I told you, I don't want to be the nice guy anymore._

_Don't be idiot! You can't change. You know, that it's not right._

_Why do you think? Maybe I think it's the best thing I can do at the moment._

_Yes, but I'm you, Ted. And you know that it's not right._

_Okay, then... I'm going to think about it tomorrow. I mean... What if I do this? I mean... We're knowing each other since three months. I know the most important things about her..._

- C'mon, what are you waiting for? - asks Chloe nervously. - My husband is arriving about half hour.

- Your... What? - I can't believe my ears! What did she say?

- My husband. - she repiets.

- Are... You... Married? - I ask. For answer, she's showing her hand with the engagement ring. I'm such an idiot! Why I didn't watch her hand?

- Calm down, it's not a big deal. - she's answering. - Do you have a wife too, don't you?

- I don't.

- Girlfriend?

- Nope.

- Boyfriend?

- No.

- Hopeless love? - she asks, and my heart is beating faster.

- Why do you think, that I have someone else? - I'm asking.

- It's easy. I know your type.

- My type?

- Yes. You're the classic the type of mens, who're in love with a women, who's not enough for him for some reason, so he's searching the missing thing in an other women, but he couldn't leave his original love. I'm calling them just cowardlies.

- Then you're cowardly too.

- It's not about me. Do you have someone else, am I right? - I'm thinking about Robin. I feel since our last talk a year passed, and she haven't searched me. I wanted to call her so many times, but I promised myself, that I won't ruin her life. It's so hard to stay away.

- You've right, Chloe. - I'm answering. - Not about this one, about everything. But I really want to find the missing thing in you. - I'm moving close to her, and I'm looking into her beutiful brown eyes.

- And what's the missing thing in yout love? - she asks.

- She doesn't love me. - I'm answering.

- Maybe I can help. - she's kissing me, and then again and again. Maybe I'm a terrible person, but it's so good. I feel like I've been watiting for this moment since years. I'm kissing Chloe back, and turning front of her bed. She's smiling, and we're kissing again, and...

- Ted, what are you doing here with my wife? - asks a voice behind me. I'm turning back, and I see Mr. Knightley, my favorite boss ever. Maybe calling him my favorite boss will be a bad decesion in the future... - I... I... Can't believe it! - he's looking at Chloe. And then at me. And then at Chloe again. I never saw him so angry. - You... Did you cheat me again? What did you think? Get out of my house you dumm slut! - Chloe doesn't say anything, she's putting her dresses, and go away. - And you... You know, when I said you're our hope it came from my heart. And the thing, what I'm going to say at the moment is coming from my heart too: You're fired, and I'll care that you won't get job in Chicago anymore! And now follow my wife!

I'm going out of the house. I'm arriving back to my apartmant, and I'm thinking. Maybe I should listening to myself, when I'm doing bad things. If I would be the nice guy, it won't be happened. Maybe I should begin myself.

I'm looking at Becca's phone number. I know, that she has just gave it to me, and here's the rule of the three days, so calling her already will be a mistake. But I'm sick of rules, I'll be just myself. Without rules. I'm dialing her number, and waiting for her answer.

Finally, I'm hearing her voice.

_Hy this is Becca Bluebell. I'm out of home at the moment, but leave me a message, and I'll call you back... Damn, how can I stop this shit?_

So I'm leaving a message, and watching the wall. Now I'm really alone. And I miss my friends. Not just Robin. I want to visiting Marshall and Lily, playing with Marvin, or drinking with Barney, who keeps saying phrases of the Playbook. I know, he destroyed this book a year before, but I know, that he remembers. Because I know him. And I want to talk with Robin one more time. Just talking, nothing else. Like we did in the old times. When I actually hadn't feelings for her. I just want to sitting in our box with my friends, and just speaking about what happened with us in the previous days. Drinking some beer, and just be happy again. I said, I'm happy in Chicago, but I'm not as happy as I was there. Just then I didn't know about it. I tought, we'll staying together until we die, or more... I know, I'm childish, but I swear, I never tought it'll ends up once. And now, that it's ended up, and our place is empty, I feel my heart is empty too. It's a terrible feeling. I wish I could bringing back the sweet old times...

_Four hours later, somewhere in Westchester_

Becca really loved her new house. First time she saw it, she already knew, that this is the place, where her children will grow up. And now, that she found the house, she just need to find a father. It's the more complicated thing. Becca was tottaly okay with her boyfriend. Val was sweet, nice, funny, and also very-very attractive, but they were dating just since two months, and she didn't want to be fast. With her previous friend, Louis everything was so fast. They slept together on the first date, moved together when their relationship was only three months old, and Becca was dreaming about their future kids when they were dating only a half year. And after eight moths Louis cheated on her with her blonde co-worker, Susy. Becca was over with Louis, but it still hirted, when she was thinking about Louis and Susy. And she didn't know about it until Susy get pregnant. Maybe it was the most painful part of the case. But Becca closed it, and she was tottaly happy with Val. The only thing she founded was Val's full name. She tought Valentine Evelyn Rose it's a ridicoulus name for a men. Okay, she liked "Evelyn" it has a quite good vocal in her head, but the other parts... Valentine... Roses... She was pretty romantic, but she dreamt about the prince, not about the princess... She decided, that if she'll meet Val's parents, she'll ask them where the name is. In a nice, polite voice, of course.

She watched at her phone.

_Someone left me a voicemail. _- she tought, but before she could hear the message, someone knocked on the door.

- Is it you, Val? - she shouted. - Come in!

So the knocker came in, but he wasn't Val.

- Ted? - Becca was really surprised.

- Did you hear my voicemail? - asked Ted. He looked tired, and nervous. Becca wanted to ask him, what's wrong, but she hadn't time, because Ted continued speaking. - Becca... I know, that we're knowing each other only since three months, but... I'm on the floor, I lost my job, I lost my new home, Chicago, and I want to move back to New York. Look... I'll pay you back twice the whole price if you sell...

- I won't sell my house! - she answered angry. - I love this place! You could pay me anything, I don't care, I'll stay here.

- But... Look... I've nowhere to go.

- Why don't you buy a new place?

- Because I realized, that this house is important to me!

- But you sold it.

- I know, but I... Look... This house has three badrooms... Do you need all of them? - when Becca got , what Ted wanted, she scared a bit.

- Do you want to be my roommate? - she asked.

- Please... I'll pay you back the whole price of the house, I swear...

- I don't need you money. - she answered. - Maybe it'll be a bit weird, but if you aren't a serial killer, or something like that, I'm in.

- Thank you, Becca! - said Ted. - I swear you won't repend it!

Ted was so happy. He won his house back, now he saw the hope of won his old life back. He promised himself, that the next day he'll find his old friends, who he hasn't seen since months, and talk with them just like in the old times. That was which he really wanted.


	4. I had to say yes

**Chapter Four**

Today I saw Robin. I'm going to tell: so Becca and I are pretty good rommates. Okay, she has a few annoying habit; she paints weird pictures about robots, she plays with the breakfast, and sometimes she starts to play bass-guitar in the middle of the night, but our relationship is quite good. I mean, one month passed, and we're still living together, it's quite good. So I decided, that I'm going to make her a special dinner to celebrate our first month. And because I wanted to cook some delicious, I went to Manhattan to buy some material.

I was waiting for a taxi, when I saw a painfully familiar face; it was hers. Robin's. And she saw me too. She was very pretty. She worn usual trousers and an usual balck coat, but damn, it fitted her so perfectly. And of course, I saw, that her paunch is bigger. She smiled at me, and she came to me to talk. I was so frustrated. I had no idea, what to say.

- Hy. - she said.

- Hy.

- I haven't seen you since a long time. What is Chicago like?

- It's horrible. I've just moved back to New York. - I lied. I knew, that if I tell her, I moved back a month ago, she's going to ask me, why didn't tell them. And it would be weird.

- Really? That's great! I mean... It's not great, that your life in Chicago didn't work, but it means, the team is together again! Maybe you can visit us in the next week. Did you call Marshall and Lily? Where are you living? Do you need some help? - she asked me so many questions, and I couldn't think about anything else, just that how beutiful is her, while she's speaking, how beutiful her smile is, and how good the pregnancy fits her. She's beutiful with her big belly.

- Wow. You're very... Enthusiasctic.

- I'm sorry... I blame the pregnancy. I'm crying every day, and last time I woke Barney up and ask him to cook me salmon. And he did it! Barney tolerates my things so good! He's going to be a great father. And he's caring about me... - she started to cry. After a few moment, when she stopped it, she looked at me again. - So what's about you?

- Well, I'm living in Westchester. I bought my old house back. And I've a roommate. She's named Becca.

- Is she a nice girl? Because if you like her, you can bring Becca to us, I want to meet her.

- She's quite nice. But sometimes she's weird. I mean... She has a lot of bad habits.

- Everyone has a lot of bad habits. - Robin smiled again. - For example: smoking. After I found out the baby is coming, I had stop somking. It's still so hard! I mean, now it's better, but in the first trimester I wanted to smoke so badly. And I still want, but I can stop myself.

- And how is Marshall and Lily? - I asked.

- Wait... Marshall didn't tell about it?

- About what?

- They're in the middle of divorcing. - Robin said with a serious face.

- Really? I... I had no idea about it. I'm so sorry. I... I can't believe it. - Robin looked at me again, and she started to laughing.

- Just kidding! They aren't divorced, more, Lily is pregnant again! - she continued laughing. - Sorry...It was a bad joke. I'm doing it because the pregnancy...

- I got it. So isn't Lily pregnant?

- But yes, she is. She became pregnant two months after me, so now everything is about the babys in the group. We haven't been to the McLaren's since the wedding! Oh my god. It's so sad! It was a chapter of my life, and it's ended... I'm sorry. My emotions are changing in every moment, the pregnancy does this to me... Now, seems like I'm happy again, so we can keep talking. We're so happy, that we're going to have a baby in the same time, so we're spending more time together than before. Marshall is so happy, he loves Marvin so much, and he can't wait to see his second baby. And he's talking with Barney a lot. It's so good, because in the old times they weren't speak much to each other...

_So they're happy. Without me. Robin and Barney are going to have a child, and Marshall and Lily are going to have a second child. _- I thought. - _Are they needing me anymore?_

- And of course, we were missing you so much! Why didn't you call me?

- I don't know... In my new job I had a lot of things to do. And... I'm so sorry Robin.

- It's okay. Since I'm pregnant, I forget a lot of things too. Last week, I looked for my sunglasses for hours, and it was in my head all the time! And the sun wasn't shining... Sorry. Am I talking to much about pregnancy? I'm sure, it's because I'm pregnant... Damn it, I'm so dumm! - so it was my talking with Robin. Or Robin's talking with herself, I don't know exactly. So maybe she was a bit weird, I'm happy, that I could see the smile on her face. I'm still happy... I'm still in love with her. Okay, what did I think? That I'm moving to Chicago, and all of my feelings are going to disappear? It's ridiculous. When I saw her, I felt, that my emotions are stronger than ever. So when I accepted the idea of the meeting, I did the most idiotistic decision in the world. The only problem, that it wasn't decision, I had to say yes. So this is my excuse. I had to say yes...

I know, that I'm doing the most dangerous thing that I could do. After the bungee-jumping. But I'm going to be careful, and than it'll be ok.

I mean... How could I mess the things up, if everything is so perfect?


	5. Old times

**Chapter Five**

- So, Becca... - I'm starting. - Do you want to meet my friends? - We're both sitting on the sofa in the livingroom, and watching The Big Bang Theory. Sheldon is saying something very funny, Becca is laughing and then she's looking at me.

- What?

- I'm sorry, I just... I met Robin, and she invited me to their apartament, and I told her, that I have a roommate, so she wants to meet you too.

- Is she the _Imsofreakinmuchinlovwithherbutshesmarried_ Robin? - I see on her face, that she thinks this is not okay.

- Yes, she is. I know, that you're going to say it's not right, but... Five months passed. I ended the whole Robin-thing in myself. - I've lied. I haven't ended.

- You've lied. - Becca says. - You're still in love with her.

- Okay, maybe... - there's no use to deny. - And this is the reason, why I need you. Maybe if I'm alone, I won't be careful. But if you're with me, you can hold me back if I'm doing something...

- Idiotistic.

- Exacty. So, what do you say?

- Ted, I don't think, it would be a good idea to meet with Robin again. Why did you even say yes?

- I had to say yes! - I'm being a bit angry. I thought Becca will supporting me better. - We're friends since nine years, if I said no, it would be weird. Look, Becca... I... I really need you. So... Please come with me!

- I don't know. - Becca says. She's standing up and walking out of the room. She didn't wait the end of the episode.

In the next day, I'm waking up early. I'm going to the kitchen to make some breakfast. And I'm so excited! Today is the big day! I'm going to meet with my friends again, and the old times are finally coming back. I missed them so much. I can't say it much enough. They're my family, they're my life... I'm eating my breakfast, and I can't think about anything else. I'm going to the livingroom, sitting on the sofa, and thinking about the old times. I remember the story, when we found an ananas and a girl in my bed after I spent the night totally drunk. I've still no idea, where the ananas was. And my competiton with Barney and Robin, when I tried to prove, the young people's life is too hard for them, and they did the whole Murtough-list, to prove I hadn't right. It was a few months before they get together the first time... It was in the night, when the goat attacked me. So it's a bad memory. And I remember the story, when Marshall, Lily and I went to the Groovapalooza, and Marshall and I did a horrible journey to get some nachos... Bittersweet memories are crowding in my mind. I feel like I haven't forget a moment from the last ten years.

- Good morning! - says Becca. It's funny, because it's almost 12 O'Clock, but although she slept more than me, she looks tired. Wait... It's almost 12 O'Clock... Time is passing so fast! I'm near to the meeting.

- Good morning.

- I see, it's almost lunch-time... Then seems like today I won't sing with the breakfast. - Becca's morning production is one of the greatest entertainment which I can imagine. She sings very well, and she likes to play with the food, so the combination of the two is her special production. I remember, what did Cindy say, when she told me about Becca. I didn't know, that her name is Becca, or anything else, just that Cindy is so jealous of her. Okay, I can understand. Becca is really pretty, her boyfriend, Val, or what the hell is his name, is a lucky guy. And she plays bass-guitar, it's great too! And I remember one more thing, what Cindy said. Every guy is going to fall in love with her. That's interesting... Because Cindy thought I'm going to be one of them. Am I going to be one of them? No, it would be crazy. I think, Becca and I became quite good friends. She's a good rommate, and a nice girl, we're watching TV together, sometimes I borrow her books; she has such a good sense of literature! Or her CD's; she likes the same music as me. Okay, once I found her in my room, searching for my CD's, so she's doing the same thing. It's funny in some way.

We're eating our lunch, and I'm more excited in every moment. Because I know, that with every passed hours I'm further to the night, when I'm going to have a dinner with my best friends again. My heart beats like a drum.

In the early afternoon Becca is standing front of me.

- When are we going to leave the house to arrive in time? - she asks. In the first second I don't get it, but then I'm realizing what she asked.

- So... Did you change your mind?

- Yes. I mean... You've right. I care about you, and if you don't want to do something idiotistic, you'll ned my help.

- Thank you.

- But I think you should find someone else. You can't be in love with a married women forever!

- Okay, I get it. - I'm so glad, that Becca changed her mind. I know, that she met them once, but I think, if they're getting to know each other, my friends are going to like her as much as I do. Becca is clearly the best thing which happened to me in the passed five months. I really needed a friend.

_In the late afternoon_

So, it's almost 6 O'Clock, which means we're leaving the house now. We're catching a taxi, and driving to Manhattan. We're arriving to Barney's and Robin's apartament in time, and I'm preparing myself for the big meeting.

I'm knocking on the door. It's so exciting!

Barney opens the door with a big smile on his face.

- Bro! Finally you came back to us! And who's that girl next to you?

- I'm Becca. - she introduces herself. - I'm Ted's rommate and friend.

- Just friends, am I right? - asks Barney, and then he's winking at me. Seems like he don't really think, that Becca and I are just friends. Robin is in the kitchen, she's trying to cook something, but I've no idea, what is she exactly cooking. But it smells bad.

- Damn it, the baby is coming, and I still can't cook! I'm such a mess! - she's shouting, and starting to cry. When Robin said, she's crying every day, it wasn't exaggaration.

- Sorry, come in. - says Barney, and then he's going into the kitchen to calming Robin down.

Becca and I are silently sitting on the sofa, while Barney is with Robin.

- I'm going to be a terrible mother! - Robin's shouting.

- No, no... I'm sure, you're going to be a great mother. Everything is gonna be okay.

- How can you say it?! Nothing is gonna be okay! What if the child is eating me inside?!

- Robin, I told you. It won't eat you, beacuse it's a normal baby, not a vampire. And you are going to be the legendary mother of our legen - wait for it - baby. Legenbaby!

- I'm too tired for your jokes. - says Robin, but at least she stopped crying. She's looking at us. - Is it Ted and his girlfriend?

- I'm not his girlfriend, we're just rommates. - answers Becca.

- How sweet girl! - Robin says. - Wait... Do I know you?

- Yes. Becca was the bass-guitarist in the band on your wedding. - I say.

- Really! - Robin is smiling. - Then, nice to meet you again. - she's going next to us, and she's giving a hug for Becca. And then she's hugging me too. Her hair smells like the ocean... - I'm so glad you visited us, guys. Marshall and Lily are coming soon. - then she's starting to laugh. - Coming soon... Just like in the movie trailers, am I right?

- Nice one, sweetie! - says Barney with a tired smile on his face. I'm being a bit angry, when he calls my Robin "sweetie", but I'm not saying anything.

- Well, time to go back to the kitchen. - says Robin, and then she's walking into the bedroom.

For a few second we're standing still.

- She's a bit confused since a few weeks. - explains Barney.

- Yes, we saw it. - says Becca.

- But, in the deep of her heart, she's still my Robin, - no, Barney. She's _my_ Robin. - and in her womb our little alien is developing, so I think it is worth. - I'm being a bit sad, while he's saying this words. It remainds me for the sad truth, that Robin is pregnant, and her child isn't mine. It's Barney's. Damn it, life is unjust.

- Hi! - says a voice behind us. I'm turning back, and I see Marshall and Lily. God, I missed them so much! Lily is hugging me, and I welcomes Marshall too. - How is Robin? - asks Lily. - This pregnancy-thing is destroying her mind.

- Sweetie, when your pregnant-mind started to work, you were almost so bad like Robin now. - says Marshall to remainds Lily.

- Yes, but now, during my second pregnancy everything is much better. - says Lily with a smile on her face. I'm looking at them. They're so perfect together, they deserve the second baby. Marshall kisses Lily. Seems like they're happy again.

- We're so glad, that you moved back to us, Ted. - says Marshall. - We missed you so much!

- Yes, bro, don't do this again! - says Barney smiling at me. - Whatever happens, stay next to us!

- I'm so dumm, I've just went to the badroom, instead the kitchen. - says Robin, when she's coming back. Than she's starting to smile. - Lily! - she says, and she's hugging Lily. - I dreamt, you're died, and I cried all night!

- It's true. - says Barney. - She woken up me too. - I'm looking at Barney. I see, he's not happy. He's tired, maybe he's bored of Robin's things. I know, that he's not that kind of mens, wo wants to be a father. I know, that he wants to run away. Not as me. If Robin would be pregnant with my child, I would supporting her.

- And who's that pretty girl? - asks Lily looking at me. - Is she your...

- I am not his girlfriend. - interrupts Becca. - I'm his roommate.

- Oh, well... Hello, Ted's roommate.

The talking continues with a short silence, which is broken by Robin.

- It's so fantastic, that we're together again! Just like in the old times!

- And we're happy that we could meet with your roomate, Ted. - says Lily, and then she's looking at Robin. - Sweetie, I see, you're tired. And I feel in the air, that the dinner is a bit... Whatever. Just relax a bit, while I'm cooking something, okay? - she says, and she's going with Robin into the bedroom.

- Lily helps a lot. - says Barney. - I think, I wouldn't be able to carry all without her. - Yes, I thought. Barney couldn't handle this situation without help. If he would _really_ love Robin, it wouldn't be a problem. For me it wouldn't be a problem.

- Buddy, Lily is so excited that both of them is pregnant, that I think you help to her, that you let her to be with Robin. - says Marshall smiling at Barney. It's funny, but I never saw them smiling to each other before. Just like I would be the difficulity between them in the old times. Lily came back.

- Calm down, Barney, just a few months, and she'll be okay. - Barney's laughing. - It's just the begin.

- I know. - Marshall, Lily and Barney are laughing. I'm looking at Becca. Now I feel myself in their company just like she. I'm the stranger in the group. It's terrible. Just like I've lost all of my friends. Robin is coming back.

- I'm rested! - she says.

- You relaxed a half mintue! - says Lily.

- Yes, but I'm getting rested very fast. - I'm looking at Robin. She's the real reason, why I am still here. I know, that now she's a bit crazy, but in the deep of her heart she's still my Robin. And I'll get her back after the baby's born. And everything is gonna be okay again. And now, maybe she's more beutiful than before. The pregnancy fits her perfectly. I imagined her so many times with that nice, big belly, but in the reality it's more better.

- Okay, okay, I get it. - Lily says. - Ted, do you want to come with me into the badroom, to packing after Robin?

I'm saying okay, and following Lily to the badroom. When I'm closing the door, she's starting to speak to me.

- Okay, Ted, what are you doing? - she asks.

- What?! What do you mean?

- Don't pretend, you've no idea, what I'm talking about! Why did you move back to New York? What are you doing at Barney's and Robin's apartament? Who is that girl, and why did she come with you?

- Okay, Lily. - I say. - First of all; calm down. I moved back to New York, because I lost my job in Chicago, and because I missed you guys. I met Robin, and she invited me and my roommate for dinner. This is the big story. What's wrong with you? I thought you'll be happy, that I came back!

- I'm happy, but you conducted so weird all the time. You did that fake smile which you always do when you want to show us, everything is okay, while it's not. And I saw, how you looked at Robin. I'm sure, you're still in love with her.

- What?! Lily... It's.. Crazy... I...

- Are you in love with her? Yes, or not? - she speaks in a very serious voice.

- Yes. - there's no use to deny. - But Lily... Before you would say something... Calm down. I'm holding everything in my hands. I don't want to ruin her life. - Lily's just looking at me. Her face is serious, I can't read her eyes, I don't know, what she exactly feels. Maybe she's angry, maybe not, maybe she believes me, maybe not. But I know, that Lily is my friend, and whatever happens, she's going to supporting me. I know, that Lily wants the best for everyone.

- Ted... - she says. - Be careful.

Then we're going back to the living room, and pretending that everything is okay. But I don't think, that it'll be okay. I didn't tell Lily, but I'm still afraid, that Barney won't be the father, which Robin's child need. I think the perfect father of her child would be more supporting, loves Robin better, be more tolerant with children, so it would be more similar to me. Maybe it would be me.

I wanted to get back the old times so much, but now I know, this won't work. The old times are the old times, because they passed. Is it good, or not, I don't know. New times are coming, and I want to be next to my friends; Marshall, Lily, Barney, Becca, and Robin. Maybe I want to be next to Robin better, than anything, but I hope, I'll handle the situation as a normal adult person. It'll be hard, but she's pregnant, and she needs my support. And I need her company. I'm bored of the lies to myself, I love her, and maybe I always will. I need to be next to her or my heart will stop. I need her like everyone needs the air, or the water. She's my air. I missed her so badly. Better than the old times.


	6. The Universe

**Chapter Six**

- God, Bro... - says Barney. - This pregnant-crazy Robin is killing me. - we're sitting at the McLaren's and drinking beer, just like in the old times. But I'm so jealous like never before. Yes, this is the truth. My best friend is complaining about the love of my life, and I can't say anything, because she's his. - I haven't slept since weeks, she has some problem every day. Last night I drove to Hoboken, because there's the restaurant, where she bought once a chicken, and she wanted to eat that chicken... And it's just the end of the second trimester... Three months left until the baby's born, and her mind is totally off. - I'm just nodding, and biting my tongue. If I would start to talk, I would say Barney, that if Robin would be pregnant with my baby, I would be the happiest person in the world, I would make all of her wishes come true, and I wouldn't complaining about her annoying things, because these are Robin's annoying things, and it makes all of the bad things good. But of course I can't do this. It's sucks. The whole situation is sucks. - And she's crying in every romantic film! We watched Titanic together, and she started to cry...

- This is quite okay. Jack's death is sad.

- Yes, but she cried at the kissing scene. That "She always wanted to have a romance like Jack and Rose, and the way we got together is too boring.". Honestly, Ted. Do you think, the way, how we got together was boring? - I remember, how they got together, of course, that I remember. And I remember the pain I felt, when they were looking at each other, and I saw in Robin's eyes the thing, which I never saw, when she looked at me. I remember the moment, when I realized, that Robin is in love with Barney, and what I felt after Barney told me his romance with Robin. That they kissed in the cab, and Robin cheated on Kevin with Barney. If I would be with her in that cab, if I would said that words in the night of the hurricane, would she be mine? I mean, I'm a better person as Barney, and I'm sure, that she knows it. Does she think about me? Like I think about her every day? Does she imagine what if she got together with me? Would be that way boring for her? I don't think so. - So right now, she's sitting at home, and watching Titanic. And when it ends, she's going to watch it again. And again... And again... And again... I think she needs a psychologist.

- Just be tolerant, Barney. - it's so hard to say, because I'm angry with Barney. The way he speaks about Robin is very unjust. But I have to look like his friend, who doesn't care about it. - It's the hardest period in her life. - _And where are you, Barney? You're sitting in the pub with your buddy, drinking beer, and complaining about Robin. I hope you know, that you're a jerk. I hope, you know, you haven't changed. You're still that unreliable,careless, terrible person, who doesn't deserve Robin. You don't deserve her. And you never will._

- And it's the hardest oeriod in my life too! I mean... I'm having a pregnant wife, it's the biggest challenge I ever did. She challenged me, and I accepted, so... - _Damn it, a 6-years-old child is riper then you. It's not a game, it's your life. And Robin's life. And her baby's life. Why are you still thinking like a child?_ - I won't give up.

- That's great, Barney. - I say, but I don't think so. - But sorry, I have to go. I promised Becca, that I'm going to help with the dinner.

- Okay. And don't forget! You promised to visit us tomorrow!

- I haven't! - I say with the usual fake smile with my face, and I'm walking away. I'm taking a taxi, and can't wait to be home.

Becca is waiting for me in the livingroom. She's looking at me, and then starting to speak:

- Hey, _I'msofreakininlovewithherbutsheismarriedtomybestfr iendandpregnant _Robin called me, and she wanted to speak to you. I promised her, you'll call back, when you're at home, so...

- Okay. - I say, and I'm taking out my phone, and calling Robin. I have no idea, why she wants to see me.

- Hallo? - asks her voice in the phone.

- Hi, Robin. It's Ted. I heard you called me.

- Oh, hi Ted. - she says. I'm feeling something warm in my stomach. She wants to speak to me! She's thinking about me! Now the only thing which exists for her, it's me! This is a fantastic feeling. Maybe she wants to speak about her problems. Did anything happen between she and Barney? Oh, that would be good! I mean... I'm a terrible person. Really. But I know, that Barney isn't the right one for her. So if I hope they're going to break up, it's not because I'm selfish, it's because I love Robin, and I want the best for her. And I'm the best for her. I hope, she knows it. I'm sure, she knows it. And in the deep of her heart she feels the same as me. So we need to find each other, and than we're going to be happy. I hope, she'll realize the truth soon, and leave Barney, because he proved he's not good enough. He had the chance. I'm playing with the thought what will Barney think after she left him. I think, he'll be happy. He's not that husband, or father-type, so he can be a womanizer again. I save both of them! - Could you bring some cola tomorrow? - well, this is not the thing I was waiting for, but her voice, when she said "cola" is alluring.

- Of course. - I say. - Anything else?

- Thank you, but nothing. - she says. - We decided to ordering something, because Barney thinks I'm a bit confused to cook normally... - that was the point, when somehing snapped in my mind. How could Barney say it?

- Where is Barney?- I ask.

- He's with Marshall and Lily. They're drinking at the McLaren's or something like that...

- Okay, then... Bye.

- Bye.

I don't know exactly, what I'm doing. Becca is looking at me.

- What are you doing? - she asks.

- Robin needs me. - I say.

I'm taking my jacket, and catch a taxi.

- What's the adress? - the driver asks.

I'm saying the adress of Barney's and Robin's apartament. My heart is beating in my throat. I'm nervous, but I have to do this. What else is going to save Robin, it's me not? All the things which Barney is doing to her is unjust. And seems like she can't handle the situation. But I can. I don't know, what I exactly going to say. That she has to be with me, not Barney. The locket, her something old is sitting in my pocket. I'm going to show her, that it was with me all the time. The sign from the universe shows I've right. We should be together, because we were made for each other.

I'm knocking on her door.

- Come in! - Robin says inside the door. I'm opening.

She's alone. She's sitting in the sofa, and watching Titanic. She's looking at me, and then stop the film.

- Hi Ted. - her face is not surprised. Is it possible, that she was waiting for me all the time? Maybe her call was a sign, which she left me, and then I got it.

- Robin. - I say with a serious face. - We need to talk...

She's standing up, and looking into my eyes.

- What's wrong, Ted?

- I love you. - I say. Robin is still not surprised. She dosen't say anything. - And I'll love you forever. I can't forget you. And I know, this is stupid, but damn it. Don't you see it? We're belong together. Robin, if you say, you haven't thought about us, it's a lie! I know, that you're thinking about me too. I know, that in the deep of your heart, you still loves me! I know... - I don't want to end the sentence, I'm just kissing her. I have been waiting for this moment since years. Kissing her brings my young years back, when I was tottaly in love with her, and she's tottaly in love with me. Just like now. But she doesn't understand the things, because she's pushing me away.

_Damn it._

Robin is looking at me, and her eyes are very angry.

- Ted. What the hell are you doing here?! - she's shouting. I know, that she's angry, because she haven't understood me.

- Robin, don't you see it?

- See what?! The wedding ring on my finger, or my belly? Because seems like you don't see it.

- Robin it doesn't count. Look... - I'm showing her the locket. - It was with me all the time. - Robin is listening for a second, and then continues shouting.

- So it was with you all the time, and you didn't even mention it?! This is the big reason, why I need to be with you?! Because you stole my something old?

- No, I didn't steel it. You unburied before my wedding with Stella. It was with me, because you gave me the locket! Don't you think this is a sign?

- I don' think so. I don't believe in signs, do you remember?

- Yes, but... Before the wedding... You started to believe. Remember?

- I believed, because I had to believe in something!

- And you had to believe in something, because you panicked, and you panicked, because you knew, you made a bad decision. - I can't believe, why Robin doesn't understand it, She has to be with me. That's what the universe says.

- No, Ted. - she says. Seems like she's very nervous. - I panicked, because it's lated, and because it was one week before my wedding. But everyone fears before it's wedding. It's normal. And every woman is panicking a bit when realizes she's pregnant. It doesn't depend on Barney.

- Okay, I didn't want to say, but I met Barney today, and he said, you're totally crazy, and you'll kill him. And now, where's he? Drinking with his friends in a pub, and complaining, while his wife needs him. And where I am? Here with you.

- Ted... I told Barney to meet Marshall and Lily, and drink some beer. He spent the last six months with taking care about "the crazy-pregnant Robin", he haven't sleep since days, he watches the Titanic with me sixtimes a day, I'm afraid, he's being crazy just like me, so I wanted him to relax a bit.

- You're speaking about him like some angel. But I hope you know, he hasn't changed. What if he find another woman? What if, he's cheating on you at the moment? I wouldn't cheat on you, but he... And I don't care, how great he is, at the moment, he's drinking in a bar, but I'm with you.

- I don't think so. - a voice says behind me. I'm turning back, and I saw Barney's face. I've never seen him so angry. - What the hell are you doing here?

- I'm just...

- You're just telling my wife, how bad husband I am.

- Barney, I... - I don't know, what to say.

- So, c'mon, continue it! - Barney says. - It's really interesting, I guess.

- Look, I'm here to tell Robin the truth. And the truth is, that you don't deserve her. - I say. I don't care, how angry Barney is, this is the truth, and he knows it as well as I know. So pretending being innocent is a bad strategy.

- I don't deserve her, interesting... - Barney says with a sarcastic smile on his face. - Please, go on, I'm interested!

- C'mon, Barney, I think, in the deep of your heart you know, that she's not yours. - for a moment there's a short silence. And then Barney is starting to speak.

- You've right Ted. She's not mine. And you know, why? Because she's a person, not an object, and although you're a knight in your head, seems like you forgot this little thing. So as a person, she choosed me. And you should have accept it years before.

- But I can't, and I'm sure, there's a reason, why not. And I'm sure, that Robin is still in love with me too, although she has no idea about it! - Barney is laughing sarcastic. It hurts me. I feel like some idiot. Maybe I am.

- Ted, if I would be in love with you, I didn't marry Barney. - Robin says. Her voice is silent, seems like she's almost crying. And it's not because her pregnant mind. - And the fact, that you're here, and the fact, that you think, I'll be able to leave my husband, who's your best friend anyway hurts me. I was so happy, when you moved back to New York! Barney and I wanted to ask you to be the godfather of our child, we wanted to ask you tomorrow in the dinner, but seems like it won't work. So I'm asking you now, to leave us alone, and never go back. Really, I don't want to see you anymore. You were our best friend, but seems like it's changed. And you were Barney's best friend, but after that night I don't think he wants to speak to you anymore. And honestly, I'm sure, I don't want to speak to you anymore. And I'm going to ask Marshall and Lily to be the godparents of the child, because they're next to me, and they don't want to destroy our marriage. They _really_ want to see me happy, and not in that selfish way as you, who think, the only way to make me happy is destroying my marriage and messing my life up. Because that's what you're literally doing. Do you think it's the true love? Because then you never felt true love. So don't pretend, you're better, than my husband, because he loves me better. And I'm asking you again, to leave our house, and stay out of our life including our baby. I don't care, what you think, I don't care waht's your newest idiotistic idea about the universe, which wants to see us together, I don't care. I'm so disappointed right now, I hope you know.

- I know. - I say, and then I'm leaving their house.

I won't lie; Robin broke my heart. Every word she said hurt me, and it's still hurt. I want to cry, but it wouldn't make anything okay. I messed up. I messed up. Lily asked me to be careful, but I wasn't. And now... If I forgot my feelings for Robin, I'll be a godfather of her child, and maybe I'll be happy. But I couldn't. Maybe Robin has right. Maybe I don't feel that true love which I am talking about. Maybe this love is as selfish as the other, which aren't true. Damn it, how a big idiot I am!

- Where were you? - asks Becca, when I'm arriving. I would lie to her. I mean, if I would be smart, or just normal, I lie to her something, but I know, she'll guess the truth. So there's no use to lie. I'm telling her the whole story. That I went to their apartament, that I kissed Robin, that she pushed me away, how I felt, when she was shouting, and then when Barney arrived, and all the things what Robin said about how disappointed was she. And this is the worst feeling ever, because I know, that she has right. I'm selfish. Asking her, to leave her husband is the most selfish thing with I can imagine. I'm really a bad person.

- I'm the worst person in the planet. - I say, when I'm ending the story. Becca is just looking at me, and then she's saying;

- Yes, you are. - I'm nodding. Then she's looking into my eyes, and asking. - So, now, that _I'msofreakininlovewithherbutsheismarriedtomybestfr iendandpregnant _Robin finally rejected you, and you're sad, and you wants to die, etc... Do you want to sleep with me?


	7. I had to say no

**Chapter Seven**

What are you talking about? – I'm looking at Becca, and I have really no idea, what she meant. I mean, except the obivous things, that she offered me to sleep with her. Becca is nodding.

Your ears are perfect Ted. – and then she repiets. – So do you want to sleep with me?

_Is she serious? _– I'm asking myself.

So you and Val…

We've just broken up. – Becca says. Of course! The reason, why she's so slutty now is her broke up with Val. – After you went out, he sent me a text, that he can't do this anymore, he loves me a lot, but this relationship-thing is still killing him, and sorry, and he's the wrong, and I'll find someone better, and blahblahblah… At least I'm having a collection of break-up chlises in my phone.

Just the real jerks could break up in a text… And… I'm so sorry, Becca. – I say.

Thank you. And I'm sorry, that the things with _I'msofreakininlovewithherbutsheismarriedtomybestfr iendandpregnantandshedon'twanttoseemeanymore _Robin went wrong. – I think, she created the longest nickname ever.

There's a short silence in our talking, and then Becca is looking at me, and saying:

So do you want to sleep with me, yes or not?

Are you serious?

Why not? I mean… Normally, it would be weird, but I think we spent one of our worst night ever, so why can't we finish it good at least?

I'm thinking for a moment. Becca is a nice girl. And if I do it, I'm going to make a big mistake. I know, that it wouldn't mean anything, because we both know, it wouldn't mean anything, but what if it destroys our friendship, although principally it doesn't mean anything. Damn, this is so hard… I mean, Becca is pretty. Really-really pretty, and she's my type. She's the kind of girls I like. But she's my roomate, and my friend, and I really need her at the moment but as my friend not as a sexual partner. But I have to forget Robin. And if I can just for a moment, it's good. It's so freaking hard… But no, I have to say no. I'm the nice guy, remember? I don't sleep with girls without feelings.

You've right but I think… I… I have to say no. I'm tired, I need to sleep. – I say, and I'm leaving her in the livingroom.

I'm going upstairs, finally getting in bed, and try to sleep.

I'm thinking. I try to guess, when did I lose Robin, and when did Barney got her. I'm trying to find the point. Okay, maybe Barney has right. Maybe I should stop thinking about Robin, maybe I should stop looking at her as an object. Is this really me? Do I have to be surprised, that she choosed Barney? I'm still not 100% sure, that she really loves Barney, but I should recognize: she choosed him. It doesn't count, does she really love him, or not. At the moment, she really thinks, Barney is the best for her. And if I want the best for her, than I should be more understanding with them. And I have to say: if it would be a game, than I'm the loser. I lost her forever. And damn, I'm still thinking about her. Isn't it deplorable in some way? If I really want to forget her, and I have to forget her, because she told me, they aren't need me anymore, and I messed all the things up, so, if I really want to forget her, than the first step stop thinking about her.

So c'mon Mosby, you can think about flowers, puppys, beutiful buildings, you can thinking about anything, except Robin.

So let's thinking about…

Flowers! That's it! Flowers are beutiful. I love how they smells, how they look like… Just like Robin…

Stupid flowers! Animals? Birds, like Robin. It won't work, I see it.

Okay, maybe I haven't thinking about stupid things, maybe I have just fall asleep. If I don't move for 15 moment, I'm going to fall asleep automatically. How interesting theory, and I haven't tested it. So here's time to do.

But not in that uncomfortable position. I'm turning back, and than I'll starting to test.

Damn, this is more uncomfortable than before!

Am I sleepy anyway?

How beutiful the wall in the dark is… That's interesting…

It's dark, just like Becca's hair.

Did she really want to make love with me? What did happen, if I say yes? Would it be good? Yes, I'm sure, it would be good. Becca is a pretty girl, I'm sure she practised it many times… So she can do it very well… Maybe I should have say yes…

Whatever. It's the passt. Don't think about the passt! Let's see the future. Okay, if you're always thinking about future, it's bad too. So, what's left… Let's think about the present! Yes, it's good. It's healthy. So at the moment I'm in my bed, and I'm thinking about the present. That I'm in my bed, and I'm thinking about that I'm in my bad and I'm thinking about…

Really? Is it the most healthy way to thinking about our life?

Okay, Ted, what did you say? Just don't move and you'll fall asleep. I swear. Just do it!

Or not do it. Calm down, and don't move.

Calm down, and don't move.

Calm down, and…

Damn it!

I'm starting up my bed, and opening the door. I'm so sick of all the rules I made for myself! It's like I wouldn't live, just planning, how to live. I broke one of my rules, and it was a bad decision. But what if I break all of my rules? The first: I won't sleep, if I'm not sleepy. So let's start a day earlier, than I normally start it, who cares?

Becca is standing front of my door. I'm recoiling for a moment. She scared me.

Why are you here? – I ask. For answer, she's just smiling.

I knew, that you won't fall asleep. So I was wating for you front of your door.

You're kind of strange girls, I hope, you know. – I say. She nodding.

I heard it a few times during my life.

I'm smiling at Becca, and then I'm kissing her.


	8. A really-really small piece of my heart

**Chapter Eight**

I'm waking up, and I don't know, where Becca is. Maybe she woke up earlier than me, and she went out of my room. I still can't believe, what happened. I mean… I slept with my roomate.

I slept with my roomate… That sounds good. I mean, making love with your rommate is kind of cool. It shows, that I'm still young, and I still have hope to find a girl. That's good. But the bad things. I don't think, that I could ever find a girl. I know, I should forget Robin, and I swear I will, but damn it, if you're in love, it won't disappear in a day. It would be good, but the reality is always worse. Sometimes I felt I won't forget her, and I won't stop being in love with her. But now, after I slept with Becca, and it was really-really good (as I thought she can do it very well), and until I woke up, I really didn't think about Robin I feel there's a small reason to believe that once everything is gonna be okay. Maybe once I can forget her and living without the thought that she belongs to me. I wish I could see her only once again. Not because I miss her smile, I miss her face, or because I ever will miss her, just it would be like a sign for the universe, that she belongs to someone else. And maybe this „someone else" is my old best friend, Barney. Maybe I supposed to accept this thing sooner, or I should accept it now, but a small, now just a really-really, microscophic small piece of my heart still thinks it belongs to Robin. It's so bad!

And I still don't know, where Becca is. I'm going to the livingroom, but I don't find her, I'm saying her name, but there's no answer. I'm desperated a bit. Where is Becca?

But when I'm being really disappointed Becca opens the door, and looking at me.

Hi! – she says. – Finally, you woke up! – she looks really happy. – I thought you died...

Thank you. – I say. Honestly I don't know what to say. This situation is new for me. I remember, when Robin was my roomate, and she slept with me. Okay, it was different, because I always loved her, but after I slept with her, and I knew it was just phisically thing I felt guilty. And it was more worse, when I found out Barney's feelings. Sweet old times, when Robin was mine, and I let Barney to be with her. Okay, maybe Barney has right last night, I'm a terrible person, and Robin is not an object. Maybe we aren't so perfect together as I tought. You, you small, really-really small, microsophic small piece of my heart, which still thinks it belongs to Robin, damn it!

Thank you? – Becca repiets. Yes, maybe I said something weird. – Well, you're welcome… But Ted… You know, that we're just friends…

Of course, that I know, Becca! – I say. What does she think? We slept once what's the big deal? Does she think I am in love with her? Or I could fall in love with her? God, no! I mean… She's pretty. She's awesome, I like her a lot, the sex was amazing, I like, how her hair smells, I like seeing her smile, I want to make her happy, and I never want to let her go… But I won't fall in love with her, it's stupidity!

Okay, just sayin.

And you? – I ask. – Don't you have some feelings?

No! – she starts to laugh. – Of course, that not, I mean… It would be stupidity. You and me… I… I don't think we could work together.

Me neither. – there's a short silence, then Becca is starting to speak.

So? Do you want to give me a rommate-and-bestfriend-but-never-more high five? – I'm nodding.

_One day later_

Ted… - Becca is waking me up. She slept next to me, and I'm happy that she is still here, and didn't go out like yesterday. It's much better. I know, I should feel guilty, because I made love without feelings two times in two days, but I feel much better than yesterday.

What? – I ask.

You know, yesterday, when I said, we're just friends, I meant we won't spend a night together again.

Yes, me too… - I say.

But I still don't have any feelings.

Me neither.

Becca is standing up and walking out of the room. I'm staying alone with my thoughts, when my telephone is starting to rang.

I'm answering the phone.

Hey Ted, this is Lily. – hearing Lily's voice brings old times back. But I have no idea, why she's calling me.

Hy Lily. – I'm answering. – What's up?

Everything is fine! - she says. – More than fine! But we missed you last night so much. Why didn't you come out at Barney's and Robin's place? We thought we can talk to you.

Wait… They didn't even told you about… - I bit my tongue.

About what? – Lily asks. – Ted, what's going on? Did anything happend between you and them?

No… - I'm lieing. Of course that I'm lieing, and I'm so thankful, that Lily doesn't see my face because she can read it very well. – I've just had a date yesterday, and I couldn't cancel it.

That's amazing, Ted! I knew, that you'll finish your feelings about Robin, I'm so proud of you! I thought it'll take more time, but seems you're stronger than I thought. It's so good. So are you going to go at Monday?

No, I'm so sorry. The things with Maria are going really fast. I'm busy all of the week.

And the next week?

I'm sorry Lil, but I don't think I can visit you soon. I'm having a lot of interwievs, and Maria wants to be with me all the time.

Then why don't you introduce Maria for us?

I think it'll be to soon. I mean... This relationship is so new, we're testing our limits. – I hate to lie, and I can't lie well. I swear Lily didn't believe me, but she pretended she did.

Okay, than I'm saying the big news in telephone. New, you heard it good. Marshall and I went to the doctor, and we're going to have twins! – Wow. They're going to have twins. It's so… I'm so happy for them.

Congratulations! – I say, and I know she doesn't see, but I'm making a big fake smile.

So Lily's pregnant with twins. Lily and Marshall are going to have three child, and what about me? I'm having a fake girlfriend called Maria. Maybe I'm not the part of the group anymore. Robin and Barney are going to have a child too. And last night, while I was making love with Becca, and cheated on my fake girlfriend, they were have some fun together, and they didn't talk about me. It hurts.

What's wrong? – Becca asks. I don't know, when she came back. – _I'msofreakininlovewithherbutshe'smarriedtomybestfr iendandpregnantandshedoesn'twanttoseemeanymore _Robin called you?

No, of course, that not. – I'm ansering. In the deep of my heart I know, that she won't call me. That's the sadly truth. When Robin said she didn't want to see me anymore she really meant she didn't want to see me anymore. – Remember? She knocked me out.

Of course, that I remember. Just… I don't know. You were friends for years. I know, that she's angry with you, and I totally understand it. I mean, if I would be in her place, I would kill you. But… The friendship is friendship. I thought she'll calling you in a few days.

Maybe me to… But I should accept it. She really doesn't want to see me anymore.

I'm so sorry, Ted. When your love rejects you, it's… It's the worst feeling ever.

You know, it's funny. – I say. – Because I don't think, I'm still in love with her. I mean, a small, really-really small, microscophic piece of my heart still thinks it belongs to her, but the other pieces… They think they can live without her.

And what about that small piece? – Becca asks.

I don't know. Maybe it's waiting for a sign…


	9. A snail can't cook

**Chapter Nine**

Becca and I are working so good together! I mean... We're still just friends, and we'll stay friends forever, but since we started to sleep with each other everything is just fine. I know, it's not right, I know, I should feel guilty, like I felt guilty at the first time we did it, but it was one month ago, and seems like my soul has been changed. Or I don't know... So many things happened in one month. Barney or Robin didn't called me, as I predicted. I'm sure, they never will. Becca and I talked about it, but she still thinks it's just temporarily. I think in the deep of her heart she knows, that I've right. They're living happy togerher without me. But fortunatelly they didn't tell the things for Marshall and Lily, and I'm really thankful for this one, because I lost two of my best friends, but two of my best friends are still next to me, and still supporting me, and it's because Barney and Robin didn't tell what I did. Lily and I call each other every night, and I meet Marshall almost every day. Sometimes he brings Marvin, and Becca and I can play with him a bit. Becca likes children as much as I do, so when we can spend a bit time with a child we become very excited. Sometimes we looking for Marvin while Marshall and Lily are out. And they like Becca so much! Lily and Becca has the same size, so Lily borrows Becca's boots very often. And Becca borrows Lily's dresses. They can speak about fashion for hours! And as the friend of his wife, Marshall likes Becca too. Becca's mother is from Minnesota, and although she grew up in New York, she visited her grandparents very often.

And today they're going to visit us again. Becca and I are both good at cooking, so when we're waiting for a guest, it's like a challenge. We take it very serious; I want to be better than Becca, and she wants to be better, than me. At the end of our little competition we cook every time too much, and we eat the leavings of our dinner for a week. But it's funny.

Today is just like every other. I'm waking up, Becca is next to me, she's telling me, that we're just friends, I'm nodding, we're getting dressed, and at 10 A.M. we're starting our little competiton.

- I'll kill you, Mosby. - Becca says with a smile on her face. It's her favorite phrase.

- Just if I don't kill you sooner, Bluebell. - I answer. I really like her name. Rebecca Bluebell... So melodious... Or Rebecca Mosby... Becca Mosby... Mrs. Rebecca Mosby... Damn, why am I thinking about it?

_11 A.M._ - We're ready for cooking. Becca is looking at me. If she could kill with her eyes, than she would kill me. Fortunately, she can't.

_At noon_ - Becca is always faster than me. I don't know, where she learned it, but she slices like Gordon Ramsay!

_13:00 _- I've just finished the savoury dish. I'm looking at Becca. She makes the dessert. Damn it, I should hurry up!

_14:00 _- The savoury dish and the dessert are ready, my turkey is in the oven, it's time to relax a bit. I'm sitting next to Becca. She's already done.

She's looking at me.

- You know, Ted, I have an amazing idea.

- Really? What?

- What if once we would cook together? I mean... I love our little competiton, but there's a lot of leavings. I don't think Marshall and Lily could eat the whole supply of a restaurant. - I'm thinking at bit, and then looking at Becca.

- Yes... Maybe you've right. And you know... We're both great cookers.

- Yes. - Becca is nodding. - I mean, I'm better, but you're not so bad.

- No. I'm better. And _you're _not so bad.

- No. I'm better. I mean... Sorry, but you cook as slow as a snail.

- A snail can't cook!

- How could you say that? I know a snail, who can cook. It's name is Ted Mosby.

- Very funny... - I say. Although she says I'm a snail at cooking, Becca is clearly my best friend. She's with me since months, and I know, she couldn't left me. When I'm with her, I feel I'm in safe. I never felt this before. This is the one I always missed in my life, and she can give it. I can't be thankful enough for her. At the moment I'm feeling she's my everything.

_15:00 _- My turkey is done. But it tastes bad.

- Yuck! - Becca says, when she's tasting it. - Ted, what did you do with this poor animal?

- I don't know...

- Damn it, it smells so bad...

- Okay, I think, you won, Becca. - I say.

- I knew it. - Becca is really happy. She's an optimistic person. Trough the months I never saw her sad, or desperated (okay, maybe at the first time, we slept together), she's always happy, the smile never leaves her face and she always can find some good in every bad. I want to be like her. Or I want to be with her. I don't know exactly. I know, it's crazy, because we're just friends, but she's the sun on my sky. She's the summer on the planet of my soul. And it really needed a bit sunshine. - So, as a loser, Ted. - she speaks with an incredibly serious face. - You'll wash the dish... For one whole week.

- Oh no! You're ruthless! - I say, and then we're both starting to laugh. Being with Becca is a big, unlimited laughing. We can laugh about everything. When I'm with her I feel like an idiot, but being an idiot is such a good entertrainment. With Becca I have always some fun. I really couldn't live without her company. I don't know how I did it before I met her.

- So Marshall and Lily are going to be arrive at four O'Clock, so we have one hour before they arrive. - she's winking at me. - Do you think about the same thing? - Becca is the best women ever! - We could watch some series in the televison together! - Okay, maybe we weren't thinking about the same thing. - Just kidding. - she says and she's starting to laugh. Then she kisses me. I like her so much. I know, that we're just friends, but I love her every day better and better. I'm kissing her back and then my phone is ranging.

- I sorry. I need to answer it. - I say.

I'm answering the phone. It's Lily.

- Hy, Lil. What's up? - I say. Lily is answering, but her voice is not the usual. Her voice is weak, and she's almost crying.

- Ted... I'm so sorry, but we can't visit you today.

- Why? What's happend? Why is your voice so sad? - I ask. I'm really courious, but I'm afraid a bit. Do I really want to know? Lily is answering.

- Barney... Barney was hitten by a bus one hour before. We're at the hospital.

- Is... Is he okay?

- No, he isn't. He haven't woken up, and some of the doctor says he never will. Ted, what if he won't?

I'm ending the call with Lily, and looking at Becca.

- What's wrong? - she asks.

- Barney had an accident. - I say. - I need to be next to him.

I'm taking my jacket.

- Wait! - Becca says. I know, what she's going to say. That Barney and Robin asked me to be out of their life, and it's their life, so if I'm going to the hospital, I'm breaking their rule. It wouldn't be fair. But it's a moral question. Barney is my best friend, and if he's in danger, I have to be next to him. Like in the old times, when he had an accident, and I forgot all of my bed feelings about he and Robin. Because Robin doesn't count. He's my best friend.

He's my best friend.

And I was a real jerk with him.

I made a big mistake. But could he ever forgive me? Does he ever have the chance to forgive me, or he'll never wake up, as the doctor predicted it?

God, what if he never wakes up?

I was such a big jerk!

Does he still need me? Did he forget me? Do I deserve to be next to him?

Anyway, how could this happen? I... I just can't believe it. Barney... My best friend... Is he going to die?


	10. The room 203

**Chapter Ten**

I hate hospitals. I know, the lot of people hate hospitals too, so I think I'm not the only one, who hates being in a hospital and I realize everytime I have to, that I hate them better than I imagined. There's a lot of things in my mind. Maybe I should have stop for a moment, and thinking about what am I doing at the moment, because although I know, it's the best thing I can do, I'm still afraid, that if Robin sees me again, it won't help. I mean... That small, really-really small, microscophic small piece of my heart is still dangerous. I still haven't get a sign I was waiting for. I'm walking across the floor, and I know, that every step brings me closer and closer to the moment which is going to be awkward. I don't know, I'm ready or not. I don't even know what would Barney say, if he sees me. If he ever will open his eyes. I'm afraid. I have never been so frustrated like now.

So this is the reason, why I'm not alone. When Becca offered to take me to the hospital I said immediatelly yes. I knew, that I'm going to need her help, need her company... I know, that I need her better then I've ever needed anyone else, and I'm very thankful, that she got the signs, and she didn't left me alone. I can't imagine what would happen, if I would be alone. Maybe I would turn back, leaving the hospital, and let my best friend (okay, maybe my 'ex-best friend') die... It sounds terrible!

It's the room 203. This is the room, where Barney is. We're arriving at the door, and I'm looking into Becca's eyes. I know, she'll to support me all the time, but I'm still afraid. I know, in some way it's a naturally feel. If I wouldn't feel anything, that means I don't care about Barney. Or anything else. It's a bad feeling, but without it I would be empty. I know, that whatever happens, Becca will help, but it's my war, not hers. The only reason, why she is here, that she wants to support me, that she loves me.

_She loves me... _- I think this word is incredibly complicated. Some people use it in every second moment, and if one of them says 'I love you', that won't mean anything. Some people have some afraid for the word, and for the meanings of the words, maybe it's okay, but I think it's not healthy too. And we use the word 'love', when we're speaking about our mother, father, siebling, love or friend. And it's meaning is almost different. I know, I'm too romantic, and I'm thinking too much again, and I know, that this is me, and I can't stop my brain. If I could, I will do it, but sadly (or fortunatelly, it would be weird) I can't. I know, Becca's love is different, than anybody else's love, and each people loves me in a different way. It's difficult, but also very easy to understand.

And I'm standing front of the door of the room 203, and I know, behind the door my friend is dying, and I'm thinking about the meanings of word 'love'. I'm a terrbile person.

I'm really terrible.

- You're still not terrible, Ted. - Becca says. - You choosed right, I think. - Okay, now I really can't understand. Is she reading my mind?

- Calm down, I'm not reading your mind, I just recognize your face when you're thinking bad things about yourself. - she says. - But to complete all the things... It's time to see your friend, am I right? - she asks, and than she opens the door.


	11. The sign I was waiting for

**Chapter Eleven**

Seeing Barney again... Well... This is the situation, when I want to find words, but I can't. If I felt bad before, than I'm feeling extra bad right now. We opened the door, and I should have realize, this was the worst moment of all. My heart beated like a drum, I wanted to turn back, and leave the hospital better, than anything else. But of course I couldn't. And Becca was behind me, showing her support. The first face I saw was Lily's. Her face was red, I saw she cried. Marshall had a red face too. I know, both of them cried a lot. And then I saw Robin's face. It wasn't red, but I rather saw her eyes red. It wasn't the Robin I know. Althought her life wasn't in danger, she looked like a death. And I know, grief and pregnancy don't work good together. I really hope the baby (and Lily's babies) is going to be okay. Robin is holding Barney's hands, and she watches his face all the time. Looks like she didn't realize, I'm here. She's whispering something, something for Barney, but I don't hear it.

Lily is looking at me.

- She wants to be next to Barney when he wakes up. - she says. I feel in her voice, she isn't so sure, that Barney will wake up.

- Is she okay? - I ask. I never saw Robin so sad.

- What do you think, Sherlock? - Lily asks. - She doesn't even hear us.

- I hear you. - Robin says. Her voice is weak. In the first moment I hear it I don't recognize Robin's voice. - I hear everything. I just... I'm not crazy. So far. Lily... What would you do, if Marshall... - she can't continues it. - You know. - She's speaking to us, but she's looking at Barney all the time. I know, what she wants to see. This is the thing we all want to see. - And I'm glad, you're here, Ted. - at least Becca has right. She doesn't care about our argue. She has bigger problems at the moment. - And of course, nice to see you again, Becca. - she says. I know, what she doing. She wants to pretend everything is okay. Classic Robin.

The doctor is storming into the room. He's an old man with glasses, he doesn't look friendly, and he's a bit nervous. I don't like the people like him.

- So... Is he Barnabus Stinson? - he asks. Robin is nodding. - Great! - this is the word which no one wanted to hear in this room. - Does he woke up?

- As you see, doctor, he's still sleeping. - Robin says.

- Yeah, is sucks... - the doctor is nodding. I'm quite sure, he's not normal. - Okay, have you tried to speak to him?

- I don't think it'll help. - Robin says in a desperated voice.

- I don't know. In the movies, it always helps. - the doctor says.

- Okay, maybe I try it. - Robin says. She's looking at Barney more concentrated than before, and she's starting to speak. - Dear Barney... I know, sleeping is awesome, but we wants you to being next to us again. Thank you. - she's looking at the doctor. - I don't think, it'll help. - she says. - I don't think, anything could help.

- Just be optimist! - the doctor says. - I mean... He had an accident two days before, I know, that it's creepy he's still sleeping, but... Why not? I'm sure, he'll wake up in a few days, and everything is gonna be okay. - there's a short silence. Robin is looking at the doctor with a thankful blink.

- Thak you, doctor. - she says. - But... Are you sure?

- I'm absolutely sure.

_Three weeks later..._

- He's never going to wake up. - Robin says. All of us is desperated, sad, and... It's just like we're sitting in a bad emotion since weeks. Three weeks passed, and Barney's still sleeping. And which is worse, that probably he won't wake up. Robin is starting the last month of the pregnancy next week, and she afraid her child won't have a father. I know, she has right. After the child is borned, in some weird way Robin is going to be more lonely than before.

Marshall and Lily are holding the hands of each other. They're sad together, and I don't know... I don't say, they aren't sad, but being sad together is not so hard as being sad alone. I'm looking at Robin. Yes… Being sad alone is the worst thing ever. I don' know what would I do if I would be alone.

Becca helps me a lot, she supports me in everything, she's the best help in the grief. Or in the almost-grief, I don't know how it's called. The passed three weeks were just like a nightmare, and it's like it's never gonna end. What ii It's just the beginning of something bad, what if Barney won't wake up for years? Are we going to spend every day in the room 203, or we'll forget him? I don't know... If I would sleep in a hospital, I wouldn't want to woke up and see I'm alone. Could we ever forget him? I don't know, the whole thought hears ruthless. Maybe it is. Probably it is.

At the moment Lily and Marshall are looking at each other, and then they're standing up.

- I'm sorry, Robin. We have to go. - Lily says. – The doctor is waiting for us. – Robin is nodding. I don't think she cares about it. I don't think she cares about anything at the moment. She's just sitting hopeless in the chair, looking at Barney, and trying not to cry. We spent every day of the passed three weeks in this room next to Barney, and I haven't seen her cry. Although she's pregnant, and I saw how crazy she was a few months before, now she's the Silence. In big letters. She doesn't wear black, but in her mind she's a widow already.

Marshall and Lily are leaving the room, so Robin, Becca and me are sitting near to each other. I'm looking at Becca. She's clearly the greatest person I've ever met. She doesn't really know Barney, but she spends every day with me and the others to be next to him. And I can talk with her about my thoughts, about my feels, and I really need it. When the accident happened, I was so confused, I didn't know, where to go. It's like Becca showed me the right way. She's sad with me, and it means a lot. Robin doesn't have the support, and she have to care about the baby. I don't know, how she can hold the situation.

In the passed weeks I settled in the silence quite good. In the past we were a noisy company, but now we speak to one other just in specific times. So when Robin looked at us, and started to speak, I knew, she's going to say something serious.

I'm sorry guys. – she says. – I don't want to be a bitch, and I'm really thankful for your support but… I haven't been alone with my husband for weeks. Could you leave us together for a few hours?

We're nodding. What else could we do? I see a weak thankfully smile on Robin's face. Becca and I are living the room. I don't know exactly, what Robin wants do do. Say goodbye, or finally cry? I'm looking at Becca. I know, we're both are a bit confused.

If you're curious, we can stay for a few moments to see, what she does. – Becca says. I love, that she knows me so well. We can understand each other without words.

So we're doing… Well, a bad thing, I know Robin asked me to go away, but I have to see what she does. I don't know why, something says I have to see. Have you ever felt something like this, or am I totally crazy?

Whatever, I'm writing what I see.

Robin is looking at Barney. I know, she has been looked at him for long-long days, but her blink is different than before. She's taking his hand, and I see, she's almost crying. But she doesn't do it. I think Robin is the strongest women I've ever met. She's strating to speak.

Barney… - she says. – I don't know what to say. First of all, I want to say, that I miss you. And I think you know the best how hard me to say I'm missing something or somebody. Look… When I was young, I could leave my old life behind me. My father, my mother, my whole family, my past… And I thought, I'm free, the world is mine, I can do anything. Although my mother needed me, I could let it go. I'm a terrible person. I always knew it. And when we met at the Central Park, one day before I met Ted, and you invited me to the MacLaren's, although you seemed really nice, I didn't want to go, because I felt, I'm wrong to have a normal relationship. I felt, I'm the worst person ever. I know, that you know it, because you're the only one, who knows about my mother. And I'm really thankful to you, because you keep the secret, and you were better friend of me than I deserved it. You were always next to me, you supported me, and you became my best friend. Not because you're the only one, who knows about my mother. Honestly, I'm not so dumm, Barney. I know, that when yoi invited me to the MacLaren's you didn't except we are going to be the best friends, or we'll be married ten years later. I know, and maybe a piece of me knew ten years before, that you only wanted to have sex with me... And why am I telling the whole story? God, I don't know. I just want you to hear, what am I thinking about you. And what did I felt. Because although you were and you are the best friend of me, we haven't talked about what we felt all the time. And if you're going to die, I don't want to let you go without I tell all the things for you. I know, our relathionship wasn't the best, when I started to date with Ted. After I realized, you're a serious womanizer, I thought, you lied to me, so I let Ted closer to me. I know, that you hate, when I talk about my relationship with him, maybe the reason, why I'm talking about Ted now, that in the deep of my heart I hope you'll wake up, and ask me to stop talking about the past, because I'm not dating with Ted, and you're not a womanizer anymore, and we're going to have a child, so the usual things. But you don't have to fear. Or be jealous, as you were jealous when I was dating with your best friend. Because you were jealous. I knew it. And I'm really-really sorry, I repiet it one more time; I'm a terribble person, but somehow I liked it. I didn't think you're really in love with me, but I knew, you have some feelings. And maybe I knew, that I have some feelings for you too. But it was crazy, I dated with your best friend. And then Ted and I broke up, and when I came back, I realized, that you missed me. It was such a good feeling. And because I was single again, we became better friends, than before, because you hadn't to be jealous anymore. And I wanted to have some more than friendship. It was crazy, but after I became single again, I could play with the thought without guilt. And the day, when it finally happend… I know, that you remember as good as I can. We were watching the video, and you were talking about how stupid it is, and I kept saying „Shut up", but of course you didn't do. So I was kissing you, and then it's just happened… I hope you know I wanted it too. Maybe I wanted it better than you. And when you were hitten by a bus, the history repieting, am I right? I wanted to be next to you as soon as I could. Because I always loved you. I know, sometimes you felt you're alone, I know you felt you didn't want to have feelings for me anymore, I know every painful moment you had to survive because it's me, and I can't say enough I'm sorry. And I can't say enough I love you. We know each other since years, but I love you every day much better. I didn't wanted to have a child, because I thought I'll have children just like me, and I left my mother when she needed me. But when I got pregnant, you were so happy, that I became happy too, because seeing sou happy is better feeling than anything else in the world. I can't live without you. When I wanted to leave all behind me, I thought it was easy, but I never loved someone as much as I love you, and I never will. And now, that we're going to have a child together, and I saw you happy… I could never let you go. I can keep saying sorry or thank you for all night long, or for weeks, because the truth is, that I can leave the hospital, and arriving to home alone, becuse I start to cry. I booked a hotel room, near the hospital… Whatever. I know, you won't wake up at the moment. I know, that miracles are only in the fairytales. But if you're never going to wake up, I hope you know, that I love you, and I won't forget you.

She's holding Barney's hand stronger, and she's starting to cry. Becca is looking at me, and I know, she wants to say me to turn back and leave the hospital. We shouldn't have to see this scene. But when we're turning back, we have to stop again. Because there's an other voice in the room, wich isn't Robin's.

Robin… - the voice says. And although I can't believe, I recognize it immediately. – I don't think you should have forget me.

Robin is crying and laughing, and she's holding both of Barney's hands.

Becca is looking at me, and we're smiling. I didn't lose my friend. Barney woke up. I don't know, how Robin did it, but she did it. She brought her husband back.

_A few minutes later_

Becca and I are sitting in a cab and driving to home. We aren't talking, I know, we're both very tired, so we're listening to the radio.

It's playing _These Days_ by the Foo Fighters.

_One of these days your heart  
will stop and play its final  
beat_

One of these days the clocks  
will stop and time won't  
mean a thing

One of these days their bombs  
will drop and silence  
everything

But it's alright  
Yet it's alright  
I said it's alright

Easy for you to say  
Your heart has never been  
broken Your pride has never been stolen

Not yet not yet

One of these days  
I bet your heart'll be broken  
I bet your pride'll be stolen I'll bet I'll bet I'll bet I'll bet

One of these days  
One of these days  


- I like this song. – Becca says. – I can play it on guitar.

What? – I'm asking back. Seems like my mind is totally off.

I like this song. – she repiets. I love she's so understanding, and she is not annoyed because my stupid questions.

Yeah, Foo Fighters is cool. – I say.

We're sitting in the silence for a few minute. And then she's starting to speak.

You got the sign. – she says.

What? – I'm asking back again. I'm starting to be really annoying, but of cours Becca don't mind it.

The sign from the Universe. Which you was waiting for. Don't you think, it was the sign that you and Robin don't belong together? – I'm thinking for a few minutes. Funny… I haven't thought about Robin since weeks. I didn't care, when she was in the room. I don't know… Seems like that small piece of my heart changed it's mind. Seems like I'm not in love with Robin anymore. She's happy with Barney. And I'm happy for them. But when I looked at her I felt we're just friends. Nothing more. Maybe Becca has right. Maybe it was the sign I was waiting for.

I'm smiling at Becca, and going on listening the music. Barney is okay. Robin is okay. Their baby is okay. I'm okay. Everything is okay.

_One of these days your eyes  
will close and pain will  
disappear_

One of these days you will  
forget to hope and learn to  
fear

But it's alright  
Yet it's alright  
I said it's alright

Easy for you to say  
Your heart has never been  
broken  
Your pride has never been  
stolen

Not yet not yet

One of these days  
I bet your heart'll be broken  
I bet your pride'll be stolen

I'll bet I'll bet I'll bet I'll bet

One of these days One of these days


	12. Roses

**Chapter Twelve**

We're sitting on the sofa and watching the television with a glass of champagne. I think it's the most boring New Year's eve I've ever had. It's 11 P.M., but Becca is already sleeping, and I think I'm going to fall asleep soon too. We're watching the World Wide News Channel, because Robin asked me to assure her, that her succesor is not as good as her. As I see, she's a pretty, small girl with fair hair, she seems friendly, but of course I'm going to tell Robin, that she's a bitch.

_The atmosphere in New York City's streets is unbelievable! It's one hour before midnight, and the party is already great! _

Honestly, I don't care. I'm a bit old old to the partys. Becca is sleeping on my shoulder. Damn, she's so beutiful. The most of people looks worse while they're sleeping, but Becca... Seems like whatever she does, she's just more and more beutiful.

It's 23:37. Maybe I should have thinking about the passed year. It was one of my worst and best years in one. It was bad, because Barney and Robin got married, and Robin got pregnant, in I had to give up my lifelong dream, that I'll end up with Robin. And I moved to Chichago, which was one of the biggest mistakes I've ever done, and then when I went back I hurted my best friends, and Barney and Robin didn't want to see me anymore. And then Barney had an accident, and it was terrible... But it was one of my best years too. Because on the wedding of my best friends I met Becca Bluebell, who's the most amazing girl I've ever known, finally I finished my house in Westchester, and I could move in, and now I have the best roommate ever, and I could finally let Robin to be with Barney, because I don't love her anymore. I mean, better as you love your friend, of course. And now, that I'm sitting on the sofa, Becca is sleeping on my shoulder, and Barney has just left the hospital yesterday, and we're friends again, just like in the old times, I feel this year ended quite good, and I can't wait for the year 2014. Which is going to start in a twenty minutes...

_Here's Monica Hammonds, and Sandy Rivers again to report you about the New Year's Carneval in New York City. It's 15 minute until 2014, and the people of New York are waiting for the new year impatiently..._

- What? - Becca asks. I don't know, when does she woke up. Maybe a few minutes earlier. - Is it 2014 now?

- Now. It's 23:43. - I say. - Punctually we have 17 minutes for 2013.

- Oh, great.- Becca says. - Now it's just 16. - I'm nodding. - Don't you want to drink some champagne?

- No, thanks. We decided that we're not going to drink champagne in 2013 anymore.

- Yes, but it's just 16 minutes!

- I know. So we're going to wait.

- Well, okay... Who's that girl on the TV?

- I think she's called Monica Hammonds. She's the succesor of Robin.

- Oh, really, I remember now! - Becca says. - We have to call her bitch, am I right? - I'm nodding. - Then... She's a bitch. I'm one-hundred prozent sure, she slept with Sandy Rivers many times.

- Me too.

- And that blond hair... She looks like a little girl! - she says. - Robin should be thankful to us. - Becca says, and we're both starting to laugh.

I'm glad, that I can spend the last day of 2013 with Becca. It's a beutiful winter night, the snow is covering the town including our house, but inside it's very warm, and we're sitting in our compfortable sofa, and I feel I'm home I'm with the person I have to be, and I want to stay in that moment forever. I'm safe in here, and it means much more than everything else. I'm sure, Becca is going to fall asleep again, but I don't care; as I mentioned she's just more beutiful while she's sleeping.

Monica Hammonds is speaking to a young couple, who are already drunk. Poor girl, I know, I have to hate her, but seems like it's a really hard work, and I know, she has many better idea of how to spend the last time of the year. Honestly, I don't know, why Robin liked this job so much. But Robin is a different person. She likes to build her career, and although she's pregnant she wanted to go work last week, when Barney was okay. Of course, they didn't let a woman in the third trimester to work, but Robin was offended, so right now she hates the World Wide News. And we have to hate it too.

Whatever, as I predicted, Becca fell asleep, and the last ten second of the year is starting right now.

_Ten..._

_...Nine..._

_...Eight..._

- Is it almost 2014? - Becca asks. Okay, maybe she didn't sleep. Or I don't know, I'm tired of this.

- Yes. - I'm nodding.

- Great. - she smiles. - I can't wait to be 2014.

_...Five..._

My phone is ringing. I'm answering it, and I hear Lily's voice. She sounds desperated.

- Ted!

- What's up, Lil? - I'm asking back. Okay, maybe it was idiotism, because I heard, there's something wrong, but I hadn't better idea.

_...Four..._

- Ted! Drive to the hospital! Now!

- Okay, but... Why?

_...Three..._

- Robin is bearing right now!

- What?! Is... Is it serious?

- Yes! C'mon!

_...Two..._

- Becca, we have to go.

- Why? What's happened?

When the fireworks are starting, we're outside the house and driving to the hospital.

I just can't believe it! Robin is going to give birth to a child. It's so... Unbelievable. But there's no time to thinking. We're arriving to the hospital a few moments later. Damn, why didn't I noticed, that Robin is in the last month? If I remembered, I wouldn't panicing as much as I do now.

The first person I see is Marshall. He's waiting next to the door of the labour room. He's greeting us, and I see in his face, that he's nervous too.

Hi, Marsh. – I say.

Hello Ted. Hello Becca.

Where are the others? – I ask.

Barney wants to be next to Robin during the bearing. Lily is in the bathroom. – there's a short silence for a few moments. – It's the same hospital. – he says. – Marvin was born here.

Yes, I remember. – I'm nodding. – Is Robin's doctor Dr. Sonia too? – I ask. Marshall smiles, I don't know why.

No… It's a funny story. Actually Dr. Sonia never was a doctor.

I told you. – maybe I should have be surprised, but Marshall is laughing, and I'm laughing too, although we haven't got the reason to laugh, because the truth is, that Lily and Marvin were in an incredibly big danger. But we're laughing, beacuse it's midnight, the first day of 2014, and Robin and Barney are going to have a child. I don't know why, but it's so funny.

The truth is, that she was an escaped serial killer, who tried to pretend she's a doctor. – we're laughing more loud. Becca is looking at me with a desperated blink.

Ted… Marshall… - she says. – I think you're a bit tired.

You don't say? – Marshall asks, and we're laughing again. – I haven't sleep since three days, because my pregnant wife feels dizzy every night. It was like the Three… Days… Waitforit… Grace! Three Days Grace! Like the band. – Marshall is giving me a high five, and I see he's really tired. Maybe I supposed to sleep with Becca in the passed few hours, because now she's the only one, who's not tired. – Okay, maybe I'm looking for a nice bench where I can sleep. – Marshall says, and Becca and I are staying together.

For a moment we're staying silent next to the door, looking into each other's eyes. Then Becca is starting to speak.

I bet, next year you'll be the father. – she says.

What? – I'm asking back.

Last year you were standing in the same floor, and the father of the baby was Marshall. In thins year we're standing in the floor, and the father is Barney. I'm sure, when we're going to stand in this floor the next year, you'll be the father of the child. – I'm smiling. I like Becca's irrealistic logic. I want to say her all the thigs I feel. How thankful I am for her support, how much does she mean for me, how much I love her… And I want to kiss her again, because we haven't kissed since months. But this time I want her to feel I've some feelings for her. I want to kiss her to know I love her. And I want to say her, that if she has right, and I'll stand here in the next year, as the new father, I hope she'll be the mother of the baby.

Last time we went here, Barney found some gum. – I say. It's not I wanted to say, I swear. Becca is looking at me, and then she's starting to laugh.

I love gum! Okay, I know, that everybody likes gum, but I like gum badly. I'm a serious nibbler. – I'm laughing with her. God, I don't know why I feel so good. I'm just looking at Becca, and kissing her. She kisses me back. Damn, I missed that feeling so much. I don't know, does she know, what I feel, or not. I just want to enjoy it. When we're stopping, I'm looking at her, and I want to make this moment forever. Of course, I can't. I wish I could…

Lily comes back. I see in her face, that she's tired too, but maybe she slept more then Marshall. Her face is in preference nervous. This is the first thing I notice.

Where is Marshall? – she asks. Her belly is huge, the Erikson-twins are growing very fast.

He said he's looking for a nice bench, where he can sleep. – Becca answers. Lily is smiling.

Well, he deserved the sleep. – Lily answers. But after a short silence she's starting to speak again. – But I want to know, where he is. Ted… Do you want to come with me to find Marshall? – I'm nodding.

Becca, do you want to come with us? – I'm asking Becca. I don't want to leave her alone.

No, Ted. Just you and me. – Lily says in a serious voice.

Well, I don't mind. – Becca says. – I'm looking for a nice bench in the other direction.

Oh, and Becca – Lily says, before we're starting to walk. – I like your lipstick!

Thank you! It's pinneaple flavoured.

Lily and I are walking next to each other, for a few moments we're silent. Then Lily is starting to speak.

This Becca-girl is really nice. – she says. – And pretty.

Yes, I know. – I'm nodding. – But Lily… Did you really bring away me to blab about Becca?

No, of course, that I didn't. – Lily says. – She's a nice girl, and if you asks me, she's in totally love with you, but…

I don't think so. – I'm answering. – Becca and I are just friends.

Okay, whatever. I know exactly, where your relationship goes, but you don't have to know about it too. But the real reason why I wanted to speak to you, that I have a question. – I really don't know, what Lily wants in the midnight, so I'm listening to her. – What happend between Robin, Barney and you? – she asks. Oh, no.

What do you mean? – I'm asking back.

I know, that something happened. When you came into the hospital to see Barney, you acted weird. I'm sure, something happened. – Yeah. I forgot Lily's sixth sense.

Well, okay… - I'm sighing. – When Robin became crazy Robin in about the sixth month of her pregnancy, and watchen Titanic all day, Barney was complaining a lot about her. I thought it's not fair, so I went to Robin's place to tell her, I'm still in love with her, and I could be better father of her child than Barney. – well, now, that I'm repieting what I said I'm confessing it was a really-really stupid idea. – But I know, it wasn't right, and I don't love Robin in that way since months. I'm over with her. – I say. For a few seconds Lily is looking into my eyes, and then she kisses me.

I don't know, what to say. I didn't figured on she's going to kiss me. I don't say it was bad, but it was weird. I mean, she's Lily, Marshall's wife. My best friends wife. So I pushed her away.

Lily?! – I'm asking. – What… What was… This?

Calm down, I was just curious for something. – Lily says. I still can't believe, what's happened.

For what?

That are you drunk, or not. If you would be drunk, you would kiss me back. – Lily says. I think, now, that Robin is bearing, Lily's pregnant mind is starting to work.

It's a weird way to determine am I drunk, or not.

Weird, but succesful. – Lily says with a smile on her face. – Don't tell Marshall, but trough my college years I did it many times.

So then… Are you going to tell Marshall what I did? That I argued with Robin and Barney?

No. Of course, that I'm not. I mean… I know, you changed your mind.

Thank you. But… Where?

Well, I'm not hundred prozent sure. But I would be surprised, if you borrowed Becca's pineapple-flavoured lipstick.

Wait… This is the real reson, why did you kiss me. – I say.

Smart boy. – Lily says, with a smile on her face. – And right now, I know, that you're in love with someone else, so…

Wait a minute. – I say. – Okay, I kissed Becca, but it doesn't mean I'm in love with her.

It does.

No, it doesn't.

It does.

Lily! – I'm shouting out.

Okay, sorry… I give you one day to recognize you're in love with Becca, and then we can go on the talking. – I'm looking at Lily.

Why are you so sure, that I'm in love with Becca? – I'm asking. Lily is looking into my eyes. I know, she wants to tell me something, but when she could do it, we're hearing a voice behind us.

Ted, Lily! Come in! – I'm turning back, and I see Barney. He's so happy like we've never seen before. – My daugther has just born.

We're standing in the room, Robin is in the bed, holding the little baby. She's as beutiful as her mother. In I don't feel I would be jealous. I feel warm, when Barney and Robin are looking at their child, and both of them are smiling. Marshall is holding Lily's hand, I'm smiling at Becca, and both of us are watching that beutiful and sweet little face. She has just born, but she's already pretty.

What's her name? – Becca asks. Robin and Barney are smiling for each other.

First of all… I let Robin to choose the name. – Barney says. Robin is smiling better.

Her name is Rose. Just like Kate Winslet in the Titanic. – she says in a delighted voice.

Damn it Robin, you really liked that movie. – Marshall says. Robin is nodding.

I hope once she's going to find a Jack, who won't die.

Well, we hope it too. – Barney says. I don't know, does he like the name Rose, or not, I always imagined if he would have a baby once, he wouldn't let his wife to give name to it, but he did it. And he seems really happy.

And she's a little girl. – Robin says. – She's going to have a room in rose, chlotes in rose, long hair, and all the girly things I never had. Because she's a girl… - Barney is smiling. I'm sure, he doesn't like the idea of the rose room, but he knows how much it means for Robin, that she's having a girl, and she can give her the childhood she never had. I always imagined if once Barney would have a child, it would be a boy, and while Robin was pregnant, I thought, he wants a boy. But whatever he wanted, now he's happy, and I think he's going to be a great father. The great father which Robin never had.

Becca is silently singing some song. It's acquainted for somewhere, but I don't know exactly, where.

_You were born into a strange world.  
Like a candle, you were meant to share the fire.  
I don't know where we come from, and I don't know where we go.  
But my arms were made to hold you, so I will never let you go.  
Cuz you were born to change this life.  
You were born to chase the light.  
You were born..._

Love your mother, yeah she's s good one.  
She'll build you armor; keep you warm as a hen.  
The stars may fall and the rains may pour,  
But I will love you evermore.  
You were born to make this right.  
You were born to chase the light.  
You were born...

Oh my precious, oh my love, when they come to take me,  
I will hold you from above.  
I don't know why we're here, and I don't know how,  
But I'm here with you now, I am here with you now.  
Cuz you were born to change this life.  
Cuz you were born to make this right.  
Cuz you were born to chase the light.

What a nice song! – Robin says. She is looking at her baby, and I think, whatever happends, while the baby is on her arm, she is happy for everything. And while Robin is happy, Barney is happy too. They're just the happy family right now.

Thank you. Becca says. – I can play it on guitar, I can drive home in a few minutes, and take it.

No, Becca, just stay here. – I say. – I'm driving faster. I'll be here again in a few minutes!

I don't know exactly, why I offered to go home and take Becca's guitar. I drove home very fast, and now, I've arrived, I'm noticing something strange next to our door. I'm moving closer. It's a vase full of Roses. And behing the vase a message:

_The most beutiful flower to the most beutiful girl in the world!  
Becca, I was a jerk, and I have to say sorry. You're the greatest girl I've ever met, and I love you. Say I'm a stupid, but I think, you're the one. I want to marry you, Becca! Let you go was the biggest mistake, I've ever done._

_Still loves you:_

_Val_

I'm reading the message. And then I'm reading it again. And again. And then I'm crumpling it, and with the vase of roses I'm chucking it out to the garbage can.

I'm taking Becca's guitar, and driving back to the hospital. The other are waiting for me. I feel a bit guilty, when I'm looking at Becca. And I know, that I have to speak with Lily, because she has right. I'm in love with Becca.


	13. Happy endings

**Chapter Thirteen**

Wow... That's strange. The whole yesterday was like a nightmare, I still can't believe, that every part of it really happend. When the telephone rang, first time I heard, that Robin is going to bear, when Becca and I went to the hospital, when I kissed Becca, when Lily kissed me just to know that I kissed Becca, when Marshall said Dr. Sonya was a serial killer, the first time when I saw Barney's and Robin's daugther, Rose, when I went back to Becca's guitar, and I saw the roses from Val... It was such an irrealistic night.

Now I'm at home in my bed, and thinking about the yesterday. I promised to Robin and Barney, that I'm going to visit them in the hospital in the forenoon, so I should get dressed. I'm getting out of my bed, getting dressed, and going into the kitchen, and having a breakfast.

When I'm ending my meal, I'm going into the livingroom. Becca is sitting on the sofa, and watching TV.

- Good morning! - she says.

- Good morning... - I'm repating.

- Where are you going?

- Don't you remember? I promised to Barney and Robin, that I'm going to...

- Visit them. Really. - Becca is ending my sentence. Although she likes them almost as much as I do, she seems bored. - Sorry. I'm a bit tired. I couldn't sleep at night.

- Nobody could sleep at night. - I say, and than I'm saying goodbye, and driving into the hospital.

When I look at Robin, I'm not really sure, that she's the Robin I knew. Or the Barney, who's standing next to her is the Barney I knew. The baby is sleeping in Robin's arm, and they're looking at her as the gold digger looks at the biggest treasure he ever found.

When I'm looking at Robin, I'm not sure she ever could let her daugther go. And I swear during the ten years I know Barney, I've never seen him smiling as much as he's smiling right now, when he's looking at Robin and Rose. When he sighting of me, he's smiling much more.

- Hello. - he says. Robin is looking up, and she's smiling at me too.

- Congratulations, guys. - I say with a smile on my face. - She's beutiful. - They're looking at each other. Now, that I see that they haven't been so happy as now, the thought, that a few moments earlier I thought they're going to be horrible parents, and Barney doesn't deserve to be with Robin is ridicolous. I can say it honestly: They're perfect together. And first time I'm really happy for them.

- Thank you, Ted.- Robin says. There's a short silence, Barney and Robin are looking at each other again, and then Barney is starting to speak.

- Look, we talked with Marshall and Lily about a few things, and Robin and I decided that... Whatever, do you want to be the godfather of Rose? - I'm a bit surprised. I thought, this ship went out.

- Well... - I'm a bit embarrassed. - Of course, that I do. This is... I don't know, what to say, I love you guys so much.

- But just as friends, of course. - Barney completes my sentence, and then we're starting to laugh. I know, that they still remember for that night, and we never will forget it, but they forgave to me, and they want to give me a second chance. And the fact that they want me to be the godfather of their child means maybe they could trust me again. It's the greatest honour I've ever had.

- Than you, again. - I say. - And calm down. You're my best friends guys, but nothing more.

This is the moment, when Lily and Marshall are arriving. When I see Lily, I remember, that I have to speak to her about Becca. Funny, sometimes I'm not exactly sure, that the yesterdey really happened, but I clearly remember, that I realized I'm in love with Becca. And the worst thing, that it's harder in every moment. I don't think I can hold it for a long time, so I really need Lily's help.

- Oh, how sweet little girl! - Marshall says and she joining to Robin and Barney to watch how nice Rose is, when she sleeps. Lily is looking at Rose, and I see on her face that she wants to be with the baby as much as her husband do, but first of all she's looking at me, and saying:

- A half day passed. Do you want to speak to me about her? - she asks. Lily can read everybody's mind. I'm nodding.

We're going into the floor to speak more comfortable.

- So, do what's up, Mosby? - Lily asks with a pretty serious face. It's weird in some way.

- You know it as much as I know. Or better. - Lily is nodding.

- Yeah, it's true. So are you... Dating with Becca?

- No. Not literally.

- What does 'not literally' mean? - Lily is like a bad cop. And she can do it very well.

- Well... It's just a... Friendship with benefits-relationship.

- But you're in love with her... - I'm nodding. - When did you realize it?

- Yesterday. Look, Lily. I don't think she loves me too. I mean... She's on of my best friend. Our friendship is very specifical, and she knows it too. I don't think she could let it go for a romance. She needs a friend, not a boyfriend. - Lily is thinking for a few seconds, and then she's saying something incredibly strange.

- Then ask her hand for marriage. - she says.

- What?! - I'm asking back. - Lil... It's... It's crazy! Why yould I ask she to marry me?

- Because you're in love with her, and she doesn't need a boyfriend. I think it's clear. Marry her.

- Lily, I don't think it would work. It's just... A friendship with benefits - relationship. Nothing more.

- Yeah. You know, I knew two friends, who were literally just friends, but they always felt much more for each other. And then, in a beutiful winter night the guy knelt down, and asked the hand of his love for marriage. She said yes, and now they're sitting in the room next to us with their baby.

- Okay, but it's different. - I say. - Barney and Robin... Their story is the greatest love story I've ever heard, but the happy endings aren't usual at love stories.

- Why not? - Lily asks back. - You know, I heard a story of another couple. And about a girl, who didn't think happy endings are exist. This couple has a really-really long story. They met at the college, they were young, they didn't think it will be long. But they fell in love, so they stayed together, and then in a beutiful day the boy asked the girl's hand for marriage. She said yes, but she panicked, and ruined the whole thing up. She moved to another city, and they broke up. She realized she's still in love with her ex-fiancé, and went back, but the boy said he didn't want to go on their relationship after all. The girl tried to pretend she's okay, but of course it didn't work. She realized, she made the biggest mistake in her life with let the love of her life go, and she thought happy endings at the real love stories aren't exist. She was jealous of the other girls who were dating with her love, but she couldn't do anything. But you know, what happened? Her ex-fiancé was still in love with her as much as she does, and in a night they got back together. They married, and she realized the love stories could have a good ending, if you're brave enough to come it true. Now they have a beutiful son called Marvin, and she is pregnant with a twins. - she's looking at me with a serious face. - Happy endings are exist.

- Okay, Lily, but these are your stories, not mine Why do you think I will be as lucky as you were?

- Why do you think, you're the exception? - she's asking back.

Marshall is arriving at the door.

- Guys, don't you want to come in? - he asks. We're nodding, and coming into the room. Robin and Barney are still silent, seems like they can't have enough of their baby.

-What about were you talking about secretly? - Barney asks, but he still looking at his daugther. Funny, I never thought, Barney is going to have a daugther. How is it called? Fate? Destiny? Karma? Karma, lik Quinn, Barney's last girlfriend. And then a question occurs to me.

- Where did you realize, you're in love with Robin? - I ask. It was a bit weird, Barney is looking at me for a second, and then at his child again.

- Officially, or not-offically?

- Both.

- The officially version, that when I broke my engagement with Quinn, I realized Robin and I would work better together. I confessed my love when I helped her to break up with Nick, and I thought, it would be a good first point of a trick, so I started to work on my biggest trick, The Robin.

- And what's the not-officially version?

- That I pretended to be in love with Quinn to make Robin jealous, when I saw, she didn't care about it, I asked Quinn to marry me, but she said, she's happy for us, I offered her to run away, but she said no, and she has a boyfriend. I get mad, I broke up with Quinn for some stupid reason, I realized, I acted a bit childish and I started to work in a normal plan. It was The Robin. But I like saying the offical version much better, because the truth is, that I was a real jerk. I don't know, why I thought, I can make Robin jealous. I'm sorry, sweetie.

- Barney... - Robin says with a smile on her face. - I got together with Nick to make you jealous, and when you broke up with Quinn, I wanted to broke up with Nick, to get together with you. When I heard you and Quinn were in engagement, the jealoulsy almost blowed my mind. But it's the past. Now, were enjoying our happy ending, am I right? - she's looking at Barney with a smile.

- Yes, you are. - Barney answers. - But... Did you really talk about me and Robin? - he asks. But my thoughts were elsewhere.

- I'm sorry, but I have to go. - I say. I don't care, how weird is it, I'm walking into the room, into the hospital, and driving home.

When I heard Barney and Robin talking my mind brighted up. I get, what Lily said. If you're brave enough, you can have a happy ending. I sholud have believe in it. Maybe I can get together with Becca, if I really want. Maybe she loves me back.

I'm walking into our little garden, opening the door, and going into the livingroom, where I can find Becca. I want to say her I'm in love with her, I want to be with her, and only her, and yes, maybe I want to marry her. I know, this is crazy, but this is the truth. I don't care, what she's going to say, how she is going to react, I just want to say her all the things she has to hear. And maybe it will make the pain in my heart go away.

I'm arriving at the livingroom. Becca is nowhere. I see something in our sofa. I'm moving closer, and I see the vase of roses she got from Val.

She found it. And she knows, I didn't wanted her to see it.

My blood is frozed. I lost everything.

Next to the vase I'm finding a message. It's a message from Becca.

_Dear Ted!_

_I don't know, when did you want to show me this. But I guess never. Look, maybe it's stupid, and I shouldn't be so angry, but I thought, we're friends. Friends, who talk with each other. What if I give a second chance for Val? Why are you so… I don't know, how to say… Selfish? I'm a bit confused right now. Val wrote me a nice message and I don't know, maybe I'll date with him again. I just wrote it you to know, because I'm not sure, I want to go home today. Damn, I'm so disappointed of you! Why did you do this? Why?_

_Please don't call, and don't wait me._

_Becca_

I'm sitting in the sofa, looking at Becca's message. I had right. Happy endings aren't exist for me. I don't know, why is sher hurted so much. I mean… It was just… A vase of flowers, nothing interesting. But Becca wrote like I did the worst thing against her. I didn't know I'm going to hurt her so much. I didn't know, she's going to found it.

I didn't know…

I didn't know anything.

Maybe one thing. My story is never going to have a happy ending.


	14. How to fight loneliness

**Chapter Fourteen**

I read Becca's message every day. The last time I saw her was one week ago, and then… She left the message and went away. I still can't believe it! The house is so empty without her. Her room still smells like her, but when I look at the sofa, when we watched the television, or when I go into the kitchen, when we made our cook-competition, or when I look at her guitar. And I hate having a breakfast alone. I miss the singing muffins, and her crazy ideas to make my day better. The house is empty without her, and I'm empty without her. I don't like to be home anymore, because without Becca my house in Westchester is just a house in Westchester, not my home.

- Why don't you call the cops? – Barney asks, while Robin is trying to make Rose sleep. The baby is crying really loud. Poor Robin, she looks very tired. Barney too, but they're helping me, and I'm so thankful for them. – I mean… She disappeared a day ago. You should have report it.

- I don't think so. – I say. – She told me, she's not going to arrive at home for days.

- Yeah, but one week passed…

- God, our little princess is one week old. – Robin says with a proud blink at the crying baby. – Hear you, Rosie? You're one week old. – she babbling. Hearing Robin babbling is really weird. – You're such a big girl! Do you know, what we're going to do? I'm taking you to your bed, and you're going to sleep. – she's going out of the room with the infant. Barney following them with his eyes.

- Wow. – I say. – I never thought Robin will acting with a child like she's acting now.

- Me neither. – Barney says. – I don't know, what happened to her head, but she really likes to being a mother. During the pregnancy she panicked about her career, she wanted to read the news as septimestris pregnant, and after we married, she cried every day, that the child is going to ruin our life. But I think, although the life of a parent is very hard, in some crazy way she likes doing it. And me too. Rosie is the greatest little girl in the planet. – he's smiling. – Okay, it was obvious, because she's a Stinson, and her parents are hundred-procent-awesome, but I never thought, that a more-than-half-canadian child could be so awesome. – there's a short silence. – Why didn't you try? – he asks.

- Try what?

- Try to find Becca. – I'm thinking a bit, and then answering.

- Because I'm afraid. – Barney is nodding.

- I can understand it. But I think, Becca would be happy, if you meet again.

- No, Barney. She hates me. I hurted her, and she dosen't want to see me.

- Oh, that's stupid! – Robin says, when she's coming back. – Only the crybabies can be hurted as much as you think Becca is hurted now abut a little thing. But I think, our Rosie could hold it better, than she. I think, she screams to you to find her.

- No, I don't think so. It's… Not so simple as you think.

- Ted. – Robin says. – Love stories are simple.

- Not always.

- The thing which make it complicated for you is your mind. But we, who aren't in love with Becca, we know, that you should have to find her. – Robin says.

- She has right, Ted. – Barney is looking at me. – Look, Becca overreacted the thing, because she's in love with you. So whatever you do, it means to her. The reason, why she feels hurted, that she's in love with you, and she wants to see you a good person. And chucking off Val's gift was a mean action. She doesn't know to trust you or not anymore. You have to show you care about her, and you love her.

- So if you don't try to find her, she's going to think that you're a jerk, and she really won't get back to you. – Robin is ending the thought. – But you make the decision. If you abscond from your problems like a chicken, then do it. – Barney is looking at Robin enthralled blink.

- Wow. The ending was ruthless. – he says.

- I know.

- I love you so much! – he says, and kissing Robin. I see their happiness. And then I'm thinking about Becca. Maybe they have right. Maybe I should have find her. But I don't know, where to begin.

_A half hour later_

- So do you ask us for help to find a women, who could be everywhere in the world? – Lily asks. I'm nodding. – Great!

- I don't know… Does your sixth sense say something?

- Well… Nothing interesting. Do you know any of Becca's favorite places?

- Maybe the coffe shop, where we first met after the wedding.

- Do you think she's waiting for you at the coffeshop since a week?

- I don't know. Maybe we can ask a waiter. – I say. Lily is nodding.

An hour later we're standing next to the coffe shop. Lily is drinking water, she can't have a coffe because the pregnancy, and I'm drinking an espresso. We met a waitress, but she said she'll help me after we bought some coffe.

When we were ending, I'm going back to the waitress.

- So, do you want to speak now? – I ask. I feel myself like the bad cop in the movies. Lily is standing next to me glowering the waitress . She's nodding. – Did you see a women in the coffeshop during the passed week, who was as tall as Lily, with brown hair and brown eyes in colored chlothes?

- Like a million. – she answers. I didn't want to hear that answer.

- But she's one of your resorters.

- What's her name? – she asks.

- Rebecca Bluebell.

- No… I don't think Becca has been here in the passed week. – she says with a friendlier tune than before. – I'm sorry. We're going away, when she's starting to speak again. – Are you Ted? – she asks. I'm nodding. – God luck! – she says.

I can't believe for my ears. Where did she know my name?

Seems like Lily doesn't care about it.

We're moving to the next place where Becca usually goes, her office. She's working near to my old workplace, it's funny. We could met sooner, if I'm better at timing.

The first person, we see is her collegine, Sandra. She's a nice short girl with black hair.

- So do you want to find Becca? – she asks. I'm nodding. – I don't know, where she is, she took a day off.

I'm nodding, and then Lily and I are going away.

I'm really confused. This is the first time, when I'm realizing I really could lose Becca. Maybe I've almost lost. I don't want to thinking about it. But I can't stop thinking about it. Everywhere I look I see her. I want to find her so much, but I feel I lost my mind with her. I need her. I can't imagine how I lived before I met her. I know, it's stupid, but I think, she's the One. I just know it. I can't stop thinking about it. She's my best friend, and my soulmate in one. I just can't wait to live my life with her. But now it fell apart. I messed all up. I want to believe to Robin and Barney, that Becca overreacted what I did, because she is in love with me, but I can't believe it. And I was such an idiot' I should have starting to search her the first day, she disappeared! I don't know, where she is, and I'm really nervous. What if she's in danger? I'm just so stupid.

How could I let her go?

I'm such a big idiot! I want to get a slap for myself, just I don't know how to do it.

_Four hours later_

It's late night. Lily and I are very tired. We searched Becca everywhere; almost in every street of New York, we went to her hairdresser, to the shop where she bought the most of her clothes, to the animal shelter, I don't know why, we asked about her in the supermarkets, I called her parents, I tried everything, but seems like Becca is gone forever. I'm a bit depressed right now, and Lily is very-very tired. She's such an amazing person. She went with me just to help find Becca and make me happy. I know, she's sad to. Lily is the most emphatic person I've ever knew.

We're arriving at Lily's and Marshall's place.

- Ted? – Lily says. – Do you want to sleep in our sofa? – she asks. I know, why she offers me this. She see that I don't want to go home, because alon I everything is worse. I had six terrible nights in myhouse alone, and I missed Becca better. I don't know, what to do, I want to get her back… Whatever, I'm accepting the offer.

When we're arriving at their apartament, Marshall and marvin are sleeping.

Lily says good night to me, and the last thing I remember for the day that I'm laying in the sofa and thinking about how to overtake Becca.

_In the next day_

I'm waking up, and realize I sleep too much. Marshall is at work, Lily is cooking the dinner, Marvin is playing with Barney, Robin and Rosie.

- Hi, guys! – I say.

- Hi, Sleeping Beauty. – Barney says with a sarcastic smile. – What did you dream about?

It's complicated. I dreamt that I'm in a field, at night, and I see the moon. Becca is sitting in the moon, and singing. I know the song for somewhere, but I don't know where. She says if I say how is the song called, she'll go back to me. But I don't remember.

- I don't know. – I say. – I don't remember exactly. Why are you here?

- We're babysitting. – Robin says. We help to Lily why she's cooking the dinner.

- And have a dinner together. – Barney says. – We do it every Sunday.

- It sounds good. – I say with a smile on my face. Lily is arriving to the livingroom.

- Oh, Ted! You woke up. Finally! We thought you died.

- Thank you. – I say sarcastic.

- How is Marvin? – Lily asks.

- He's fine. – Robin answers. – You know, that I can hold a two-years-old very well.

- Yes, this is why I asked.

- And how are the twins? – Robin asks. – Do you know their gender?

-A boy and a girl. – Barney says in a serious voice.

- No, not exactly. – Lily says. – The doctor said, both of them are going to be boys.

- Then they're a boy and a girl. – Robin says. – The doctor told me, Rosie is a boy. But she's not a boy, she's a beutiful little girl. – she starts bubbling again. I can't settle down it.

- Okay, let's make a deal! – Barney says with a smile. – If they're a boy and a girl, you'll call them Barney and Robin to advertise our awesomeness.

- Okay, and if I win, and I probably will, you're going to be my babysitters forever. Whatever happens, you'll be there and babysitting my three sons.

- Deal! – Robin, and Barney says.

- Deal! – Lily says.

Lily is shaking her hand with Robin and then with Barney. They made the bet.

While they're talking, I'm thinking about Becca. She left me a message. I decided I'm going to leave her a message too. But how? I want she to get the message without meet me. And where's she if she's not at home, not at work, not at her favorite places… She bought the car. Yeah, that's it! She's driving.

I hear a song in my head, but I don't remember how it's called. And then I realize it.

_An hour later_

We're eating some delicous meal, and talking.

- Hey. – I say. I try to pretend I'm not annoyed. – Why don't we listening to the radio?

- Because we're in 2014? – Barney asks back. Robin is laughing.

- Okay, but…

- Is it something about Becca? – Lily asks. I'm nodding. – Then… - she says with a sigh. – Let's listening to the radio!

She takes her laptop, and we're streaming the radio online. I'm really thankful to her. Lily is just fantastic.

_Hello, everyone! You're hearing the Send a song for someone!, when we make your dreams come true. Our first telephoner is Ted from Westchester, who wants to send a song for Becca, who left him in the next week. His message is: „Do you remember? I can't fight against it alone, I need your help. I hope, you hear me." How sweet, am I right? Then let's hear what did Ted send to Becca._

- Did you phone a radio station? – Lily asks with a surprised face.

- And every another radio station in America. – I say. – I hope, Becca is listening to one of them.

- And what is the song you sent to her? – Robin asks. – What's you can't fight against?

- It's a very special song for us. – I say. – When we first met, she thought this is a song about me.

_How to fight loneliness_

_Smile all the time_

_Shine you teeth til meaningless_

_Sharpen them with lies_

_And whatevers going down_

_Will follow you around_

_Thats how you fight loneliness_

_You laugh at every joke_

_Drag your blanket blindly_

_Fill your heart with smoke_

_And the first thing that you want_

_Will be the last thing you ever need_

_Thats how you fight it_

_Just smile all the time_

_Just smile all the time_

_Just smile all the time_

_Just smile all the time_

- Do you think, she heard it? – Lily asks, when the song ended.

- I don't know. I'm answering. – I hope so.

_And our next telephoner is called Becca from Westchester, who wants to send a song for Ted. Her message is: „You don't have to fight anymore. You won." And here's the song:_

- Seems like she heard it. – Barney says.

_I've paid my dues  
Time after time.  
I've done my sentence  
But committed no crime.  
And bad mistakes ‒  
I've made a few.  
I've had my share of sand kicked in my face  
But I've come through._

(And I need just go on and on, and on, and on)

We are the champions, my friends,  
And we'll keep on fighting 'til the end.  
We are the champions.  
We are the champions.  
No time for losers  
'Cause we are the champions of the world.

I've taken my bows  
And my curtain calls  
You brought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it  
I thank you all

But it's been no bed of roses,  
No pleasure cruise.  
I consider it a challenge before the whole human race  
And I ain't gonna lose.

(And I need just go on and on, and on, and on)

We are the champions, my friends,  
And we'll keep on fighting 'til the end.  
We are the champions.  
We are the champions.  
No time for losers  
'Cause we are the champions of the world.

We are the champions, my friends,  
And we'll keep on fighting 'til the end.  
We are the champions.  
We are the champions.  
No time for losers  
'Cause we are the champions.

It was 'We are the champions' from Queen. I don't know, what she exactly wanted, but I don't care.

_It's Ted again, he's sending a song for Becca, and his message is: „Our home is empty without you. Please drive back as soon as you can."_

_Well, this is just a simple song,__To say what you done._

_I told you 'bout all those fears,__And away they did run._

_You sure must be strong,__And you feel like an ocean being warmed by the sun._

_When I was just nine years old,__I swear that I dreamt,__Your face on a football field,__And a kiss that I kept,__Under my vest._

_Apart from everything,__But the heart in my chest._

___I know that things can really get rough,__When you go it alone._

_Don't go thinking you gotta be tough,__And bleed like a stone._

_Could be there's nothing else in our lives so critical,__As this little home._

_My life in an upturned boat,__Marooned on a cliff._

_You brought me a great big flood,__And you gave me a lift.__Girl, what a gift._

When it's ended, I'm hearing the anchor again.

_How surprising, Becca phoned us to send a nice song for Ted, and her message is: „I'm at home, waiting for you." C'mon Ted, don't waste time!_

- Guys, this is boring. – Barney says. Lily and Robin are looking at me.

- Why are you wasting your time, Ted? – Lily says. – Run!

I'm turning back, and strating to run.

- Good luck! – I hear Robin's voice, but after that I'm trying to run as fast as I can.

I'm catching a taxi and ask the driver to drive very fast.

- Are you Ted? – he asks. I say yes.

- But where are you know? – I'm asking back.

- I'm listening to the radio. – he answers. – I'm going to drive as fast as I can. – he says.

- Thank you.

A few moments later I'm front of our house in Westchester, and looking at our door. I see, Becca's car is parking next to the house. She's really at home. I can't believe it. I really can't believe it.

She came back.

I'm opening the door. Becca is standing in the livingroom in a glow, she's looking at me.

I could say so many things, but I wouldn't be meaning. I mean. I just want to do it and don't ruin it. And although I want to say a lot of things, I can't say anything.

Becca is looking at me, and smiling.

Then I'm kissing her.

- Never go away. – I say.

- I don't want to. – she answers. – I love you Ted. And not as a friend, if you know what I mean.

- I know. – I say, and hugging Becca. – And I love you too. – Becca is starting to laugh. – What is?

- Nothing just… We were so stupid.

- I don't care. – I say. – Do you think am I still that lonely person from the song?

- No. – she answers. – Ted, I told you. You won. I don't want to leave you alone, so you never will. If you smile, it'll be a real smile, not a fake.

I'm smiling. For real.

Becca is looking at me, and kissing me again. And then again.

I want to stop the second or leave it over and over again. Or leave as good life with Becca, as this moment is.

Because I think, I'm the luckiest person in the world.


	15. The best day of my life

**Chapter Fifteen**

_1st of January, 2015._

I'm sitting in the hospital, and hearing how Robin is shouting with me in the phone.

- That's so tipycal, Ted! Your wife has to bear, when we're celebrating the birthday of our little princess! – I'm hearing Barney's voice as he's trying to calm Robin down, but it's hopeless. – Why do I think it's not accidental?!

- Robin, relax. – I say. – We can celebrating in the hospital.

- In the hospital?! Are you crazy?! She's a child, and you want to celebrate her birthday in a hospital?

- Sorry, Robin, there's something wrong with the connection, I have to… - I'm turning my phone off, I don't want Robin to call me again. I know, she's going to be extra mad, when she's arriving, but I don't care.

I'm sitting next to the labour room, and thinking about the passed one year. It was clearly the best year of my life. Becca and I got together, I asked she to marry me in March, and two months later she found out she's pregnant. We got married in July, and now, as Becca predicted me one year before, when we weren't dating, that I'm going to be the next father. And she has right. Just she didn't know, that my child is going to be hers too.

Marshall and Lily are arriving.

- Hello, Ted! – Marshall greets me. – What's like to being a father?

- Well, it's… Crazy. – I say with a smile on my face.

- I can understand it. – Marshall says. – When Marvin was born, and then when Barney and Robin were born.

- I still can't settle down, that your twins are called Barney and Robin. – I say. – It's weird.

- Yes, I know. – Lily says. – But the deal is deal. And my sweet little boy is not that Barney I knew.

I'm smiling. I've never seen Barney and Robin as happy as they were when Lily's twins became a boy and a girl. Except the first time they saw Rosie. But it's a different topic.

Barney is arriving with Rosie in his arms.

- Sorry, Robin is already here, just she has to shoot a bit.

- Shoot?

- Yes. If she's stressed she's shooting, and it's better. She wanted to bring Rosie too, but fortunately I could explain to her it's not the best idea.

- And how is Becca? – Lily asks.

- I don't know. She's bearing, so she was better, I guess.

I feel everything is irrealistically okay. My friends are here, okay, except Robin, who's a bit nervous right now, and my wife, my beutiful wife, the love of my life is bearing my child. It's just so… Perfect.

I see the doctor on the door.

- Mr. Mosby. – he says.

- Yes? – I'm asking back, and he says the most beutiful words in the world.

- You became a father.

_A few seconds later_

I just… I just can't believe it! I'm standing next to Becca and looking at my daugther. She's called Leia, after the Star Wars. I'm so happy, that Becca let it.

I remember, one year before I didn't get, that two people like Barney and Robin how could be so happy for their baby. But now I know. It doesn't mean, who you are, or what is your personality like, when you see your child, you think it's the most beutiful person you've ever seen. And it's right. Leia is an incredibly sweet little girl, and as beutiful as her mother is.

I'm almost crying. I know, it's lame, but this is the truth.

Today is the happiest day of my life.

_**And this is the happy ending, which I think Ted deserves. **_

_**Usually I don't write notes, but now, that I completed the story, I have to say thank you for all of you who read and supported me, I love everyone (okay, it was lame, but true). And sorry for my terrible grammar mistakes, English isn't my mother language, honestly, I started to learn english in September, and I try to improve it with writing. Whatever, I hope you enjoyed it (and if you didn't, but you read more than 30000 words, than thank you much better), I like to write and etc.**_

_**I don't own How I met your mother, and the lyrics I used in my writing.**_

_**Have a nice day!**_


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